More than 100 children and 20 call me dad

Okay, so here’s a fun twist to my life. My friends approached me asking if I wanted to go garbage picking, and I laughed and laughed. They were serious though, so I went with them to see what was going on, you know if I should check them into the local loony bin or what.

We drove to Oakville, this super gorgeous city with beautiful women jogging on the sidewalk (in Malton, you don’t see this, you usually see people running for their life). Anyway in Oakville, once a year they do this cool thing where people can put their used items on the curb, for other people to come and take. Not garbage, but actually useful items like furniture, electronics and nic nacs. The reason this is great for us is that we know people who need things for their home, and we can’t afford to pay for all of that stuff out of our own pockets but we can spend time looking through items on hundreds of curbs and pick out the items.

We found some great treasures including working computers, tvs, and of course furniture.

We found a beautiful solid wood office desk, that was way too heavy but so nice we didn’t want to leave it. We knew who we would be giving it to and were excited to get it there. Nathan and I had to take this thing in the elevator up 3 floors and then down a long hallway, and then up a narrow flight of stairs and we were wondering how we would do that last part, this desk might have been several hundred pounds with no real place to hold it while taking it up the stairs. When we got to the location a young black teen was standing around outside in the dark and to my amazement asked if we needed help.

This surprised me, at first I figured he was one of my former kids who was now a teen but I couldn’t recognize him at all. I didn’t want to say anything though because if he was one of my kids and I couldn’t remember, then he would be hurt and I would feel terrible. It’s fair to say that I’ve worked closely with over 100 children and teens at this point, and I can’t remember them all. Sometimes I’ll be walking in the mall and they’ll walk up and hug me, most are way taller than me now. Even some of the girls. There’s a young man who comes over for dinner 2-3 nights a week, he’s a tall, muscular super dark skinned black youth. He doesn’t knock, he just finds his way in somehow. I’ll be watching tv, and turn around and there he is. I know he’s from one of the churches, and he’s a good kid. Always listens to me, never causes me any problems.

It took a long time for the 3 of us to get that desk up the stairs, it was really brutal. I was so impressed with this young man that I offered to buy him a whole pizza, and he wasn’t even surprised at all, as if he hung out with me before. We drove him over to 241 and got him a media pizza and some soda, then drove him home. I still have no idea if he’s one of my kids I worked with in the past but anyway, God bless him for being such a help.

Now in Guyana, and other parts of the world, this is how we got most of our possessions: picking through the dump. I remember my first tricycle, right out of the dumpster, and my uncle made 2 solid wooden rear wheels for it that weren’t held on by bolts, so they would wobble as I rode, I loved that bike so much and you know what, it’s still being used today. I have a photo of me riding it in my underwear and it’s one of my favorite memories.

I lied to peel children aid and so did everyone else

There’s a bad man we all know and put up with, and he beats his wife and children. Everyone knows it. They don’t know it because someone told them, they know it because they aren’t morons. His wife used to show up with black eyes and bruises, saying she ran into a door (do all women use this excuse?) and his children would sometimes let it slip that their dad beats them. To be clear, this was all in 2001, during very difficult times when much was going on all at once.

Back in 2001 before I moved to Ottawa I was asked in haste, after a long day of work to give a reference for this person, to save his life really, more so begged to give him a good reference. He promised he was a changed man, so I gave a quick “he’s not so bad, this whole thing has been blown out of proportion” type reference. This saved his sorry ass, and later I would find out that he was 10x worst than I thought.

Growing up, I myself fell through the cracks as did many of my friends. Daily punches, cuts on bruises all over. Bloody noses, bumps on my head were normal. Peel police would get to know me by name, and I would get to know some of them by name, since they were at my house so often.

Good teachers would often ask about cuts and bruises and I would make up excuses, and my friends who were in the same situation would trade war stories.

Girls always had it 100 times worst though, and their war stories were the worst. Being abused by their moms boyfriends while being videotaped or prostituted out by their crack head moms to strangers. It made me and my guy friends think that things weren’t really so bad for us after all. We got used to seeing social services and hearing and saying lies upon lies. You’d visit a friends house and social services would show up, or you’d visit my house and the police would show up. I wouldn’t even invite someone to my house until I knew what their home life was. If they had a good home life, they wouldn’t be invited to mine because they wouldn’t understand. Same with them, I couldn’t be invited to some peoples house until they knew what mine was like.

White people, black people, brown people, everyone had it rough in one way or another. In grade 7 I kept a photo of a picture perfect home in my pocket, looking at it to make me happy. One time in grade 7 I was planning on teaching this one bully a lesson as I was known to do, and my super duper awesome teacher Mrs. Prates told us all that we should be nice to him, a young thug, because his dad beats him, and we hazed her because we were all being beaten but he was the only wimp that let the teachers know. Mrs. Prates is one of my favorite teachers to this day, but this was all way over her head.

When I was 7 I slept with a heavy metal flashlight, by the time I was 11 I slept with a trusty switchblade. By the time I was 13 I had several weapons. One time my boss at Pickwicks Potatoes drove me home from Dr. Fleas Flea Market and there were 4 police cruisers at my house. It shocked the crap out of him, a middle aged Jew, but me, a 13 year old Muslim had a list of about 75 great excuses as to why they were there and I said my lie with a smile and went back to work the next weekend as if nothing happened. It was the only way to survive at the time.

About 2 years later I stopped smiling. My list of great excuses began to anger me, I was getting older and growing, but things were very much the same at home. One very early morning I woke up hearing the angry screamings of my mom and her boyfriend, and I figured I would save the police another trip to our house by taking care of the situation myself. I grabbed my trusty Louisville slugger, and kicked down her door swinging the bat at both of them, and I clearly threatened to kill them both. My exact words were something along the lines of “I’m going to kill you, and I’m going to kill you, if you don’t stop this crap and grow the f up.” Now for those of you who know me, you know I don’t use that kind of language under normal circumstance. There’s just something about family that brings out the crazy in everyone.

There’s a sort of freedom you gain when you threaten to kill someone and really mean it. And I’m not joking, I would have actually killed them both that warm summer morning, and lived happily ever after knowing I made the world a better place. To be fair, I now know that her life was much harder than mine.

Fast forward to today, we’ve all given our life to Jesus, my moms home is the place ALL my friends like to hang out. There’s peace, joy, food, laughter, fun stories (ask her about the time I ate my own poo) and just general goodwill. Shes known as the super cool mom and I’m known as the lucky son. She takes in everyone, all the teens in town and there’s always fun stories and joy to be had. Just a few nights ago she called me asking if I can help her out, she took out several teen girls and boys bowling or something like that, and there was some project they wanted to do that would really help them out but cost too much. The teens were super excited and I was really happy to be a part of it all. Only Jesus can spark these kinds of changes.

I heard in the news that churches are in decline in Canada because people no longer believe in God. This is a lie. This is a complete lie made up by liberal media and the liberal government. Churches are in decline in Canada because people do believe in God, and they are scared out of their mind that if they or their children go to church, people will find out what’s going on in their homes. An atheists worst nightmare is when they will one day face the God they’ve been pretending to not believe in. But we’re all going to have to face Him one day.

Cocaine and cocaine related problems

If you live in Malton, you will at some point be exposed to drugs. Probably weed by grade 6, and harder drugs by high school. Girls will get introduced to drugs earlier, because boys use drugs to get sex from girls in high school. Girls do drugs to impress boys, it’s a vicious cycle, plus add in the fact that there aren’t as many fathers and mothers as their should be and everything is crazy in this country. I mean we live in a great country but we are allowed to kill innocent babies but we aren’t allowed to kill baby rapists? Is there any wonder so many people do drugs?

Anyway, when I was around age 14 my friend Steve and I walked up and down Airport road, applying at every single place for a job. We were well dressed and walked for hours, pretty much an entire day down one side of the road and up another side. Airport Road becomes Dixon Road after a while, we walked further than that!

We applied at offices, gyms, even Hooters. We applied to several Mcdonalds. Steve used to make home made popsicles and sell them in his townhouse complex and I had my small businesses running as well, plus an idea for a game called goodmitten, it would be a better version of badmitton. We just really needed steady employment because of our life responsibilities.

It was rather obvious that nobody was going to hire us because we were young, and although I had a small business at the time it wasn’t bringing in enough money to support my needs and family.

Steve then got an offer to deal acid / LSD on Goreway Drive near Brandongate and he asked if I wanted in. We talked about it for about an hour. The money was a big draw, you could make several hundred everyday just in a small area, the territory would be protected for us so we wouldn’t fear gang wars. We decided to sleep on it, and the next day concluded that neither of us would do it, we would just try to be successful in business and try even harder to get jobs. We must have applied at almost every Mcdonalds in Mississauga and Brampton, possibly some in Etobicoke as well.

What kind of drug dealer would I be? I’d give away the drugs for free, and to those who couldn’t pay. And if I made a profit it would go into missions work. LOL. I’d be the kindest, gentlest drug dealer in Canada – and probably the quickest to die and the most made fun of.

You see drug deals take place here, especially at the schools. People aren’t generally shy about it, and a lot of people are armed. Systems are in place to prevent getting caught. If you want to buy a small amount of drugs, you go to a local high school, you can get any drug in a high school. I’m surprised there aren’t more video cameras and police officers in high school.

I’ve actually witnessed a massive multi million $ drug bust but I can’t talk about it here, plus the details are fuzzy anyway.

Anyway fast forward to today, Nathan and I were in my old Neon, the car was in park, but on, and a drunk man in a van, who was driving too fast anyway, hit the backside of my car going in the opposite direction. He got out of his van, stinking of booze and started yelling at us that us youngsters do too much “crack cocaine”. I assured him that I have never had involvement with the stuff and felt good of my clear conscience.

You wouldn’t believe me anyway

Due to a computer failure, I’ve lost over 50 good journal entries. To complicate the situation, the website that I used to post my entries on has gone bankrupt and shut down. These entries told of my many, many great adventures like being stabbed at, almost blown up by a fire bomb, plus fun things like camping and visiting Lake Huron and eating dinner by a campfire. I also lost a lot of photos that I took with a digital camera. :( which means a lot of these things will become distant memories later on.

The internet is really growing, and technology is advancing a lot but I kind of miss some of the good old ways which were more secure.

I’m ending 2002 the right way, with prayer and fasting. And boy do I need the fasting! If not that, then bigger pants. Ha-ha, okay seriously, I watched Lord of the Rings part 2, gave away a ton of cool Christmas presents again, had 7 children under my care, petted a bunny rabbit, fed a candy cane to a bunny rabbit, went golfing, failed at building a go cart, failed at adding a motor to my mountain bike, and so much more.

2002 has been a good year, full of wonderful family and friends time, trips to New York and great lakes. Swimming and laughing and eating, what more can a person ask for? Oh – and there’s a redhead at church that my friends and I are all trying to talk to, I talked to her last week while my friends distracted her family for me, things are in motion!

Mission 3:16

My rant: When it comes to business I’m old fashioned. Develop a good product or service, and sell sell sell. I don’t like these magic vitamin companies or multi level marketing schemes or businesses that simply make money by recruiting people and have no real product or service. I can’t believe that smart people join up with these things, and I can’t believe they think I’m so stupid that I’ll join up with them. No, I don’t want to sell your magic vitamins. No, I don’t want to recruit for your multi level marketing business. No, I don’t want to pay $500 to sign up for your business venture. LOL. People fail and they want to drag others down with them.

I spent the day with some friends at a gigantic antique shop, which was out in the middle of nowhere. I mean it. There was a large mall sized antique / flea market style shop with over 100 vendors, and beside it a small bakery, and then nothing else for miles. I know this because I purchased a treat from the bakery, then walked a far way in both directions hoping to find something else. So I really had no choice but to spend the day antiquing, since…well they drove me here. There was some really neat stuff though. I was looking for an antique umbrella but couldn’t find one and I bought some nic nacs that I’ll give away the first chance I get.

Last year June – December I didn’t get to do as much missions work as I wanted and that wore heavy on my heart. Don’t get me wrong I always do as much as I can, but this year so far has been the opposite, I’ve clearly made up for all the missions opportunities I missed out on last year.

So far:
I sent a soon to be police officer on a life changing mission trip to South America
Helped a small orphanage do some much needed repairs
Participated in the digging of several fresh water wells
Helped a new church

My friends and I live in Malton, and a lot of people here have guns or easy access to guns. Unfortunately this includes teens. Well one day we went to play baseball after work and noticed a bunch of young black teens hanging around watching us, so I invited them to play with us, which they gladly did.

I can understand people carrying around handguns, but some teens carry around sawed off shotguns, and I met one young man who had a grenade. I didn’t bother asking if it was real, because I learned that curiosity killed the cat. Interestingly enough it’s not just males that are armed, females as well! Anyway you know me, each person got an invitation to church – and I’ve witnessed weapons surrendered to local authorities because of a new life surrendered to Christ. Although I can’t share details on everything, (partially because I can’t remember all the details anymore) just last year I participated in a youth event that saw more than 30 firearms handed over to the police.

Whining about wine

I did something I really regret now. Years go (in the 90’s) I was given, as a gift, about a dozen bottles of vintage wine. I was a teen, I didn’t drink wine at the time, I didn’t understand that wine 50 – 75 or more years old would be so valuable and highly sought after. Those wines stayed in a cupboard for a few years then one day I thought to myself “who drinks old wine? that’s so gross, I want fresh wine even though I don’t drink it”. So I threw them out.

My friends are also making fun of me because a few years back we went camping and I threw a steak in the campfire, but that’s a completely different story.

I’m a minimalist. That means I like to have the minimum amount of stuff. I don’t like clutter, I have 2 pairs of shoes, and when I feel overwhelmed one of the first things I do (aside from pray) is start throwing things out and giving things away.

Jules is about 7 months old and he woke up around 230am with a fever and crying. I made him a bottle and it was obvious he wasn’t feeling well. I took time to pray with him and we did some webcamming with my night owl friends. Everyone loves a beautiful baby. Jules was born with drugs and alcohol in his system thanks to his mom. He’s severely underweight but he’s been getting healthier and healthier because he’s surrounded by people who give him lots of love, affection and prayer. After he was nice and happy he went back to sleep AND SO DID I.

June is fathers day and the last few years I’ve been getting fathers day greetings from children who’s lives I’ve been a part of, who don’t have fathers. I even get cards once in a while which is sweet.

On another note, Patrick was being super good, so I promised to buy him a car when he turns 18. Everyone heard, so I’ll probably be held to this promise. Good thing he’s still a baby :)

Ottawa visits

You should read my Adventures in Ottawa posts before this one. So 6 of my friends and I crammed into a mini van and took an impromptu day trip to -Ottawa. We visited cool places like Carlingwood Mall, some of my super cool Ottawa friends and of course took the Parliament Tour. I got a jumbo garlic pretzel with salt, as is my custom and then we headed back home. Fun day, and I don’t do these kinds of things often enough. There was no Ottawa magic for me on this trip, my wounds are still healing from last year, especially the fact that I had little to no real food for a few months towards the end. One month I ate mostly potatoes which I prepared every which way, and the next month bread and margarine which I purchased with my pennies. And finally hot peppers which my friends are still talking about, which I’m sure they’ll be talking about for many years to come, and rightfully so. What an adventure.

I chat with my Ottawa friends via the web almost everyday, and now I get to chat with most of my missionary friends online to. It’s so cool to not have to wait several weeks for letters in the mail. And we attach photos online to. Also I’m concerned that some of my letters have gotten lost in the mail, and some countries don’t even have reliable mail service, but internet is starting to become reliably available even in the harshest 3rd world countries, at least in major cities. One of my missions friends writes her letters to me on paper, then sends them with a team leader to the city, where the team leader types it up in an email and sends it to me. When she / they get back to Toronto though, that’s the best!

New bike smell

Ah that new bike smell, I went to Canadian Tire and got a new mountain bike. Cheapest one I could find, because with my luck it will fall apart right when I’m trying to impress a girl.

A group of friends and I have been riding our bikes along the Trans Canada Trail which is this super amazing trail that goes across Canada. There’s a website for it also. We meet a lot of people and take photos and bring our cameras and snacks to feed wild animals. We’ve fed deer and bunny rabbits and saw a fox.

The ritual is as follows: work hard during the day, eat dinner, clean up after the kids, tune up our bikes, wave goodbye to the kids, and then leave for a 20km+ bike ride. Along the creek at night time do you know that tens of thousands of animals come out to play? Including baby snakes. It’s almost frightening because hundreds of them try to cross the sidewalk while we are riding and we don’t want to smash any of them, but there are so many!

When we get back closer to home we get snacks like a medium pizza for $5 or ice cream from Licks or Mcdonalds. We got invited to play baseball with some strangers we met and so this is a really cool thing to do plus it’s helping me get into shape and relieve some stress.

What I learned from the movies this month: always check your car before you get in, there could be a monster hiding in the back!

I like spring time because of all the rain. The downside to this all the mud that gets tracked into the house.

Broken wieners

When I was 15 I worked a construction job that was way outside of my skill set. I was a skinny weakling barely able to lift the tools we used on the job site. But I gave it my all and did a great job, however I was eventually fired for messing up an important project. If you ever go over to 255 Queen Street East in Brampton, you’ll see a building with various stores (as of the time of this writing). I used a machine called a Flaky Jake to pull up the old floors, I mixed the flooring solution for the new cement floors, and I helped to pour and level the new floors. On the outside, I held up the exterior wall material while another person attached it. At the factory in Etobicoke I built hundreds of the high quality wall materials. And I built (by hand) the crown molding that sits atop the exterior walls. Actually that’s why I got fired, I forgot to add sand into the mixture for the molding, and when the guy went to attach it, it crumbled. This happened on a Friday night and we all had to stay late and do it all over. It was for the best, I couldn’t pull my weight at this job consistently enough and this held everyone else back.

As far as I can remember this was about 12 hours per day, Monday through Friday and I was earning around $9 an hour which was a fortune to me at the time.

Any way during lunch at this job I would sit on the steps outside with my small cooler, eating my boiled eggs, peanut butter sandwiches, etc, and there was a hot dog vendor who worked nearby, who would talk to me when there was no lineup. Once in a while if I had enough money I would buy a hotdog but that was rare, because by this time in life most or all of my money would go into family expenses. He (the vendor) told me I should marry as soon as possible, because – as he said it, wieners don’t work forever, and if you wait till your old to get married then your wiener might not work by that time and you won’t have a happy marriage. He made it very clear to me that my own wiener will one day not work. He made this point every time I saw him. I’m not kidding! Now at the time I couldn’t imagine this ever happening since I was a teen and suffered the opposite problem.

Fast forward to today in 2002, close to Valentine Day I woke in a cold sweat thinking about this very early in the morning, and figured I need to get married soon just in case my wiener really does stop working one day. My friend Nathan and I listed the different girls at church I could marry and finally decided on one. It wasn’t easy because initially we had some differing opinions. I ordered the nicest bouquet of flowers I could afford and sent them off to her to break the ice. She teaches a children Sunday school class and we are both heavily involved in the lives of children and missions work so it should be a good match. And now to play the waiting game :)

And in other news, I’m watching a movie on video tape or dvd almost every day after work, this is a nice new thing for me, as usually I work until it’s time to sleep. What with all the children I don’t have a choice but to rest. Hopefully I can get some time to watch one of my favorites soon: Planet of the Apes.

New year new beard

So I started off the new year in the best way I couldn’t possibly think of, I got a couple of trusted friends, filled several very large bags with presents, including a microwave, lots of brand new clothing, electronics, etc and took them to people door to door on Christmas morning who will enjoy them. It honestly made me super happy to give so much away, especially seeing so many happy, surprised faces on Christmas. What did I keep for myself? I kept one thing – a pet fish! It took a few trips and several helpers to give everything away. For new years eve I went to sleep early. I believe in starting the year off right and I definitely pulled it off this time around.

I’m helping to care for several children, something that I’m very well used to because of 8 years of babysitting and over 3 years of Sunday school and being a kids pastor. I know how to change diapers, calm crying babies, tend to minor cuts and bruises, settle kids disputes and have super fun plus get the kids to sleep on time (almost). So this is nothing new to me, but it is super cool. The hardest part is crying babies at 2am, but I’m a bit of a night owl anyway. . I thanked one of the parents for trusting me with his children, he responded that he trusts me with his life and theirs. I don’t take that lightly.

Also because of this I haven’t had time to get a haircut or shave in a couple weeks, causing me to look like a bum. Add that to the way I dress (like a bum) and I really do look like a bum. On top of all this, I’m constantly covered in baby spit-up and sticky food and messes caused by children. I like it. It forces me to slow down and keep my priorities in order.

This is going to be a good year.

I can do 300 to

Too much stress all at once. U have no clue what I mean. Hum. I was on my phone with my mom and she was telling me how the bank was closed. I said “yeah they arent open on Saturday” She said “Asif, its monday!” Yesterday I went to her house and she is fasting for like 21 days. Well, we were talking and I asked “what day is it, Thursday?” She said “can I beat you?” Oops. Today I forgot it was Wednesday. I walked over to Wendy’s to get some food. When I was in the line I got a huge hug. Melina. She asked if she can visit me so I told her next week. She is a very tall 9 year old, however shes wearing those shoes with the huge platforms to make her much taller than me. Her mom asked if she can visit me at my new place wherever it may be, and I said sure. Melina was about to cry when I told her that I may be moving away far to Ottawa. She asked why I cant just move close to where I am now, with a childlike, hopeful look on her adorable face.

Shes such a good kid. God bless me.

I’ve been using the internet for over a year now and I really enjoy it. I talk to missionaries all over the world even in remote areas. Before we would have to do snail mails or wait for them to get back.

I was thinking about the Old Testament warriors. One would be considered great if he could fight off 300 other warrior men. One by one. One after the other. Thats pretty freakin good! Is that maybe why God let them have more than one wife? After all, when I finished off 300 enemies, will one wife be enough for me when I go home? Don’t tell anyone I said all this.


Hmmm. I rode my sis’s bike home, and it started to pour (rain). I decided (after another few days of fasting) that it was time to eat. I got my umbrella and started walking in the pouring rain.

I didnt know what I should get, either Wendy’s or MCdonalds. I wanted Wendy’s but at the last minute I figured for some MCdonalds. When I got in there and was my turn to order, a man came into the store frantically and he didnt speak much english, but he was yelling and making the jesture as if he was talking on the phone, and said “911 911”. Then I understood, as his wife ran in (screaming) holding their baby, who, had stopped breathing some time ago and was foaming at the mouth. Now, as the Mcdonalds person was calling 911, I walked up to comfort the family including the older brother who was crying, and to touch and pray for the baby. I was nervous, everyone was so frantic, except some crazy people up at the counter ordering food who simply didn’t care what was going on. They just needed their food and to get out of there. Dying babies don’t matter to everyone. I tried to talk to the father but he just had no idea what I was saying and the mother was too frantic. Some more women came over and comforted the mother and we had her hold the baby boy in a flat possition. The baby started breathing. A translator (someone who spoke the language) came and started talking and basically, they were driving by and the baby (who had a fever today) just started crying, then his eyes started rolling all different ways and he stopped breathing.

Can I ramble on?

“The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.” – John 3:8 (Jesus speaking)

The above scripture is one of my favorites, right out of the mouth of Jesus, in front of witnesses. I used to doodle this everywhere. This scripture has caused me to have many problems and wild adventures.

Today I am thinking about a girl named Sarah who was born 4 years ago. She was born premature and when she was 2 weeks old she was sooo tiny. I don’t remember if I mentioned this before before but her grandma brought her to church (she simply couldn’t wait to show everyone her beautiful new granddaughter). On that day she asked me to hold her in the sanctuary and I was soo afraid. I had plenty of experience with babies but never held a baby so small. I held her in both palms of my hands as if I had just scooped up some water. I was so nervous, but happy. Sarah fit perfectly in my hands.

Nowadays shes 4 years old, and when I talk to her she smiles and buries her face in her cute little hands. Once in a while when she’s not feeling shy she’ll jump on me and smother me in kisses. :o)

Remembering what it felt like to hold a miracle in my hands, makes me want to press on, to see new miracles. I am desperate for them. Desperate.

The first half of 2001 has been tumultuous. (First time I’ve ever
used the word tumultuous). January-Feb started with gigantic momentum,
I mean every day was a non stop amazing rollercoaster ride.

I work during the day, do a full course load, and then try to pack in a few hours of hard ministry work. At the end of the day I would just curl up on my sofa (which I purchased in Jan from Ikea after 6 months of saving) and watch tv.

Before Jan, I really lived in my bedroom. Infact, since I became a teen I started doing everything in my bedroom. I would eat there, and hang out there. I had
a small tv and radio so it was cool. I finally moved my stuff out to the rest of the apartment and got furniture this year. It was a fun transition. Still growing up.

I got a candle a few days ago, and while it was burning I thought how nice it would be to have some incense. So I took some montreal steak seasoning and poured
it into the ditch at the top of the fat candle. Ummm, I figured it would fill the house with the gentle smell of steak.

Instead the spices caught on fire and really messed up the candle. The candle looks like it went through serious torture (dont worry, this candle contains no animal products). So much for my bright ideas.

As I was saying, Jan and Feb were months in which I took on a lot of things, too much in fact. Anyway, March came around and things began to slow down to the point where I could breath again. Not for long though. I was satisfied with Jan and Feb. It was, a legacy. People from all over still call asking about it. I’d rather close that chapter, and begin writing a new one.

I am left drained. March was the beginning of trouble that I could not handle.
I knew it. God warned me so many times earlier. I still cant handle it.
Its not that I took the warnings as a joke, and I’ve learned never to consider
a joke, what so many warn about. Especially what God warns about.
I guess maybe it was just something that I thought could never happen.

I’ve always wondered about people who said they prayed for ‘hours at a time’.
Now I’m one of them, and its not so hard to believe. May started off very well and went well until the middle of the month and crashed. In June my spiritual growth
took a huge upswing.

Sometimes I think about moving somewhere quiet. Like Prince Edward Island. Maybe I’ve watched too much Road to Avonlea?

A few nights ago, I was logging into scribble and saw someones scribble entitled “looking for a sign” so I checked it out, and messaged the guy on AOL. Anyway it turns out hes a christian and he loves this girl at his church but is kinda having trouble with his relationship with her. He got his sign. I was his sign. Brian, keep me updated ok?

I was praying about if I should move or not, and that same minute my landlord slipped a letter under my door. It said that his inlaws, who recently moved upstairs are cramping his style, and with his 3rd baby on the way he needs the basement apartment for the inlaws, and that if possible, he would like me to move by the end of July. I’ll miss all the fun I’ve had here. The time my glasses fell in the toilet, the time I had 3 mice here and I had to tuck my pants into my socks till I got them, and of course, all the other fun stuff. I really grew here, but now I need new soil for a while.

I’m not poetic..and I don’t make the best first impressions, but you’ll find that I am completely genuine. I hate when nobody is at my disposal when I’m usually at every ones disposal. I am disappointed in the lack of availability of everyone who I used to help. To many people I associate with on a regular basis know me as some sort of super-guy. I go out of my way for my friends and when I need help with something, I can’t get a return call.

It’s not all bad though. I remember when Stephenie beat the crap out of me (figuratively) in 1999 because I told her I won’t go to college. She wouldn’t let it drop, she forced me to go. You know that feeling when you have a lump in your throat that feels it can weigh down your whole body? That’s the kind of lecture she gave me. I signed up the same day. I haven’t even graduated high school yet and the college has no clue. I’ll have to get my GED soon.

Although I’m too old, I often think about going back to high school. How long would it take for me to lead everyone to Jesus? How many lives could be saved in one school year? I wish Christian teens would think this way, but I don’t think they can, they already have too much on their plate.

A few months ago I went to the museum with a local school (they asked me to come help supervise) and Amber says to me ‘Asif, everyone want to be in your group’. I told her, “why didn’t this happen to me when I was in high school?”


I’m so much cooler than that Ferris Beuler. Just kidding. Except I havent had a real ‘day off in a long time. At least not one I could enjoy without thinking about my millions of responsibilities. Not yet. Yesterday I thought up of an idea.

My friends and family are complaining they have little access to me lately so I setup my webcam to broadcast live video (whenever its on). Well set it up, took a nap, woke up ordered a pizza, and with the pizza man there was a family waiting to see me. A mom, dad, 3 young daughters. So we were all sitting in my living room chatting and and the kids were having fun. Nearly 200 visitors were watching us on the webcam! Wow, webcams are going to be causing some real trouble in the future, I can understand how this can go totally wrong. But it has benefits to because imagine if I want to do a video chat with someone instead of driving all the way to go see them. THIS WILL BE AMAZING FOR WORK.

Black and White

“Dragon Whips his Tail”

His tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth… – Holy Bible, Revelation 12:4

Woke up. Lounged around. Found out that the wedding was at 1 instead of 2. I did a mad rush to shower and get to church on time. The ceremony was great. It was so nice to see my best friends S and R get married. After a very sweet and long courtship. They are just 2 lovebirds and it was nice seeing them take vows. Its so cool to see my Christian friends court. Because everything is so pure and sweet and without DRAMA. I remember the many times S said she ‘slept over’ at R’s and I’d say “WHAT??”. And she’d explain how she slept downstairs and R slept upstairs and PARENTS supervised.

After the ceremony I met a lot of people I haven’t seen in a while. I go my pics taken with the
bride and groom, my mom and sis. And a bunch of other people. My personal highlight of the day? I even got a kiss from a female friend I haven’t seen in a while, on the cheek of course, thanks L. What is it about a kiss from a beautiful girl, makes your whole day better :)

I took a taxi downtown Toronto. Anyway I go there right when the bus was about to leave at 9pm.
Halfway through the trip to Ottawa we stopped so people could get food and use restrooms.
I went into the restroom (the bus had a bathroom as well but I wouldn’t dare use it) and the stalls were filled, and so I figured I’d use a urinal for the second time in my life (other than when I was a kid
and used the kiddy urinals). The urinals were spaced to closely together, like 16 inches
apart, and this trucker guy to my right was looking over at me excessively. And he was not looking at my face!

Afterward I got a tuna sandwich and twix and fruit punch for the rest of the ride and arrived around 130am. Got up at 7am. It’s nice to wake up with gentle sunlight splashing on my face. Its harshness weekend by the drapes. I ordered breakfast for $25 and it was very very disappointing :( I did try some ‘yogurt’ though, something I haven’t really honestly done.

Showered, and left for church. Pastor G preached about really knowing God. He talked about evaluating yourself and then coming to God in sincerity to repent and follow Him. About how some people know God, but get stuck in a rut and then begin to wonder, especially if Satan gets into their lives. Some ‘evaluate’ their current relationship with God and go back, while others dig deeper and deeper into troubles. He is using the book of 1 Corinthians and says he has one more sermon left
in that book. He preached that sermon because he was ordaining 2 deacons that day and there were some unsaved people in the service. Good stuff pastor! Kinda funny cause its the same kind of sermons we get at any other church. Except our pastors do not do much chronological teachings, it could be one topic this week and another next week, from one end of the bible to another.

After service so many people came up to talk to me, and to make things even more awesome, this was my first time in this church, and everyone was white and I was the only brown person, which I personally love. The people I sat beside when I arrived moved right away when I sat beside them. No big deal, another family invited me to a BBQ. This is what I love about church. You walk in. You’re family. Okay okay there are rotten churches to, but you know what I mean.

Another couple was moving to Nova Scotia for good and it was their last week there. Sorry to see u go!
They were serving lunch downstairs but I had to leave, I had other things on my schedule.

Hopped on the #85 back to the Hotel. I decided to do something I rarely do – to stop and smell the roses. So I got to the hotel, but then decided to walk around Ottawa, enjoying the downtown, Rideau Canal and all the great sights. And I figured my manly direction skills would get me there. Instead I ended up going west back towards the church instead of east to the canal, and felt so silly after I asked for directions. I was walking which made it worst.

So I saw beautiful Parliment, Rideau canal, which is s dirty, I mean there is lots of green stuff growing in it. I was thinking it would be like fresh spring water. Whilst walking down Rideau lots of those white flower things were blowing all in my eyes and annoying me. I had my camera to snap pics and I ended up at a park. Ok walking down the park holding a camera, during a hot day. well there were a lot of people bathing in the sun. Girls wearing skimpy bathing suits, some wearing thongs for some reason. I learned that there were 2 large colleges nearby, and then I clearly understood. I was wearing my long pants, t-shirt and favorite shirt which happens to be a very furry sweater type shirt.

So anyway I felt awkward there with my camera, cause I was the only one not nude. Well, I decided to just get out of that park, cause I was just pretty much walking through anyway. On my way out, some girl strips down to some sort of invisible thong type bikini, and my right hand unconsciously slapped me in the face so hard that it stung. I just turned around another way and laughed and laughed cause I couldn’t believe my own hand would slap me.

I stopped at a bench to let my aching feet rest, I had been praying and walking for 5hrs straight.

Walked back to the hotel, got my bag, went to the via rail station, ate some burger king, got on the train.
Train pulled in the Toronto station at like 10:30 pm. Took the subway to the bus station, got there at 11pm.

Ran up to get the 11:03 bus home, missed it. I didn’t actually miss it, the bus didn’t stop
at its usual place but stopped at a new place across the parking lot because of construction or something. Doh! There was another girl waiting there named Angela. She was a young single mom. (I never met her before). We had to wait for the midnight bus so we started chatting. She told me about her weekend and I told her about my weekend. It started raining so I insisted that she take my favorite shirt and wear it till we get in the bus (I found out we live a few streets down from each other in Malton).

Anyway I had crouched down on the ground next to her and her son, age 11 comes and says “hey mom ask him for his phone number, hes the nicest guy, not like the others.

I’m not really good at exchanging / asking for phone numbers. Back in grade 3 I liked this girl named Kaitlin, and I hid in the corner of my school while my friend Ronald asked her for her number for me :) I got her number but now I’m used to having my friends hook me up. I still remember that number to this day.

Anyway the boy really wanted to be friends. He was sticking around me and asking me questions and stuff while we waited. I even left for 5 minutes to make a phone call and he came looking for me in the station.

But anyway I got on the bus, enjoyed the drive home with my new friends, walked home, went to bed.
I’ll remember this trip for the rest of my life.

I was riding my bike yesterday and a little girl with very nice crimply strawberry blonde hair
jumps out from behind a short bush I tree type thing and says ‘BANG.’ And I stop (I wasn’t going very fast) and she says ‘what are u doing here’. And I said ‘I’m riding my bike is that ok?”
She said ‘yup’ and continues to play.

I purchased a bunch of good plants because all of mine have died because of lack of sunlight (Although I have a gorgeous one on my desk which has flourished) I purchased them and left them in the car, the next day the sun was out and it got very hot in the car, because when I went outside the plant was dry and withered, almost cooked. I wont be coming to Ottawa this weekend, I have so much work to do here. But I thought of something, wouldn’t it be interesting to live there for a while?

Contemplate: to view or consider with continued attention: meditate on

– Asif Zamir