Since great days are few and far between I figured I should write this one down. I was checking my email this morning and besides the usual I received an email from a fellow pastor I look up to, asking for my help. I’ve been working with this group since 2006 and I’ve been asked to step things up a bit. You know my plan – get them involved in reaching out to the community, feeding the homeless, sharing their faith with strangers and missions. Young adults are not easy so I appreciate this opportunity.
The Circumcision of Asif Zamir
December 31, 2007 by
I remember it vividly. I was 4 years old. It was Guyana, South America. I was living at my grandmothers house which was built in the 50’s for $500 USD. The house sat upon tall stilts because the rainy season would bring floods that would wash away houses and farms. Several of our neighbors houses were washed away and were simply piles of sticks they lived in. You could walk clearly under the house, which was dirt floors. Red ants would crawl up your legs and bite you hard, it would hurt. I like to ride my tricycle which was from the city dump. My uncle made 2 wooden rear wheels for it because we couldn’t find the wheels when we took the trike. We had lot of chickens and a goat. Once in a while the neighbors cows would break into our property and scare me, mooing loudly. Wild South American foxes and dogs would get in our property and kill our animals. More than one were killed with an ax.
One day I was minding my own business playing, and I was invited inside and asked to lay on the bare floor, which I did with a giggle at first. Then 2 cute ladies held me down, each one holding both an arm and a leg. The doctor (I would hope he was a doctor) removed my pants and underwear and grabbed hold of my wiener. That’s when I started to panic. I mean I really started to panic. I tried my damn hardest to get free and run away but they had a good grip on me. I even threatened to beat the women up. I tried making up an excuse that I needed to go relieve myself. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out what this guy was trying to do to me. Living in Guyana, in our town, part jungle, part farmland, you had to become street smart fast. People would be killed in the street and bad things would happen all the time. Kids would be killed or go missing walking to school in the morning.
You could pay a hit-man $200 USD to kill someone, far cheaper than the rates in Canada. I saw a lot in Guyana. But I had never seen anything like this. The doctor (I really hope he was a doctor) circumcised me. I felt the initial cut and screamed probably as loud as I ever remember screaming.
No pain medicine, no anesthesia. Not even a comfortable bed to lay on. When he was done I was to tired to fight. I went to sleep or fainted or something. When I came to, I got up and walked around in severe pain. What the hell just happened? I was minding my own business, living my life, doing what I do and all of a sudden I’m in this brand new situation.
Fast forward to today and I don’t remember the circumcision as a negative event, but a positive one. The doctor (I no longer care if he was a doctor) did a really, really great job. I remember the pain, and the suffering and lack of hope and it helped to mold me into a man today. This is exactly how I feel today. I wake up, have my bible time, prayer time, worship time, I go to work, run my errands, go to church, come home and eat dinner, do my prayers and go to sleep. I’ve acted with good will and in good faith towards everyone and yet all of a sudden, I’m in this brand new situation. Everything that can collapse has collapsed in 2007. Everything that can go wrong has gone wrong for me in 2007.
This year I worked everyday. I pushed myself harder than ever. I put in at least 1,000 hours of useful volunteer work. I reached hundreds and maybe thousands of precious souls for Jesus and participated in a small handful of quality missions projects that saved lives. I did the best I could, but it wasn’t enough. Church ministry went well, but work was a nightmare.
If I told you every bizarre event that happened to me in previous years, you might believe me because there were logical explanations for each situation.
But this year there are no logical explanations. Everything that can go wrong in life has gone wrong. Loss of money, friends, even self respect. In December of 2005 I had less than $400,000 in debt and a decent income. Today as I write this I’m in $3,000,000 of debt and my income is almost $0. None of my clients can pay me, there is talk all over about a deep recession worldwide. I’m suffering from a slight depression that I’m sure will catch up to me and kick my ass.
And yet in a way, I’m moving forward as planned.
Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to move on. – Exodus 14:15
Laying Here Staring At the Ceiling
November 12, 2007 by
I packed up my things and by 1pm I was in a taxi with all my stuff, all my worldly possessions headed to Malton. I moved my stuff in, setup my bedroom and went to sleep. I had trouble sleeping the first night knowing that I’d have 3 other room mates.
Sunday I setup my desk and then took the bus over to a charity fund raising dinner for Rwanda. Which was way better than I expected. We had great food, a buffet, we got to hear some talking and see some dancing.
One of the young ladies gave a testimony in the Rwandan language (we had an English translator) about how her dad was crucified, her mom and siblings burned to death in church. Yup, some people don’t like Christians.
It lasted from about 2 – 5pm. That’s when I started helping with the cleaning (I live for stuff like this). Anyway we cleaned up the hall, and then moved onto the most dreadful task – the kitchen. It took us from 5pm to 9pm washing and drying and putting away dishes, cutlery, pots, containers and a whole host of miscellaneous things. It must have taken 15 of us to do it all and one reason I really like doing things like this is because I can talk to people about Jesus. Some people need a mic and stage, not me.
Andrew and his sister gave me a ride all the way home, I really really appreciated it. I got home and I relaxed, I was really happy all things considered.
This morning I woke up, went over to the mall, I got the internet and tv setup, got a bit of work done and now I’m getting ready for church.
Gorgeous Girls Make Everything Seem Better
November 1, 2007 by
So Tuesday morning my 20gb hard drive crashed, after 5 years of good service. The data loss will set me back a few months, so add that to the years behind I’m already set back. I was so frustrated trying to backup my data. I took the parts to a pawn shop a few km away and got $10 for the parts. I purchased a $170 used computer with a 40gb hard drive. I spent the rest of the day getting it all setup.
I could barely get out of bed yesterday, I was to depressed. Anyway I got out of bed, did a spot of work and then prepped to entertain many children for Halloween outreach. One thing I’m proud of, I’ve kept up all my church related responsibilities during this time, although I can’t take on anything new.
I was running late and since it was for kids, decided to treat myself to a taxi ride. I’ll deduct the money from my food budget. My taxi took a long time to arrive, and when he came, he knew he was in the drug production district. He wasn’t an idiot. He took a good look at me before he let me in the cab lol. He was the chattiest taxi driver ever. He had a British accent, was white and kept asking me questions about technology – I have no idea what to tell him. Finally at my destination he was writing down notes about what mp3 player he should buy and writing down things like “ebay” and “paypal”.
Anyway, I got to the house we were doing a halloween fun night for kids and it was way better than I expected. I handled the fishing game, but there was also a bouncing castle, other games, cotton candy, hot dogs and other treats. It was fantastic. We gave away 400 bags of candy and probably entertained over 1,000 adults and children combined.
The highlight of my night was finally getting a chance to introduce myself to Breanna, a super gorgeous girl I saw last year and have been waiting to talk to. Also I found out that I’ve been calling her Rachel for over a year. She wasn’t impressed. Her mom introduced herself and asked me what I do for a living, and I realized that they wouldn’t be handing over their daughter’s hand in marriage to me at this stage in life, being that I’m pretty much a homeless bum with 2 pairs of clothing and no prospects. Still though, gorgeous Christian girls can make things seem a lot better than they are. I felt like a million bucks just chatting with her.
After we were all done for the night, around 11pm I walked a long way to the bus station, waited for over an hour for the bus. When I realized there probably wasn’t a bus coming out this way I started the long walk home. I’ve been doing a lot of walking, my feet have been sore for weeks, they are covered in blisters and sometimes bleed.
Fund Raising Movie Night
September 8, 2007 by
There was a Rwanda fundraiser movie night that I was invited to, but I was reluctant to go because I’ve cut back a lot of what I’m doing just to survive. I usually receive invites to 1 or 2 events each week. I walked there and stayed for a short while, slipping in, and slipping out quietly. I walked home, it took a long time but all the lower calories and walking is helping me to lose fat and get into shape. I’m exhausted but always willing to support a good cause. I’m still giving a percentage of my income. I’ve always done that and I’ll always do that. Even if it’s $0.01.
Michael (not the archangel, the other one)
August 30, 2007 by
In 1988 I was in Brandon Gate public school. Mr. Wood’s class. There was a black boy one grade ahead of me, in the same classroom (We used to share “pod’s” with another grade for some reason) his name was Michael. He was a rough and awful person at the time. He would get into fights and arguments and trouble all the time. One time he was fighting and he kicked a female teacher very hard in the neck. He was a huge dark skinned boy, bigger than the biggest bullies at our school. At least that’s how I remember it. Mrs. Leahy is the name of the teacher that got kicked. I thought he was such a loser and I always remembered him that way. Until now.
Fast forward to 2005, when I would regularly pray for people I went to school with, even though I don’t remember them all by name, I remember certain events or little things here and there. I was flipping through the channels and I saw Michael, of all people, on tv, giving his testimony about how Jesus changed his life. I was floored. I mean honestly I had to sit down. I was literally praying for the guy, and now here I was watching him on tv.
Just a few months later in 2005 I met him in Longo’s while doing grocery shopping. I re-introduced myself, of course he didn’t remember me from such a long time ago. I praised God for being so amazing. He takes the people who we think will never be different and he changes them. I shook Michael’s hand and went about my day. Who would think that I would ever shake his hand? He was an animal the last I remembered him. He beat up my friend Gidget’s brother Charlie. I met Gidget in 1986 while jogging. She was a champion jogger at the time.
Fast forward to last night, August of 2007, I was flipping through the channels here, the reception is very poor but sometimes but I can wiggle back of the tv and sometimes I get lucky.
On CBC the host was interviewing an ‘educator’ who was proclaiming that there is no God. I change channels and there is Michael, yes Michael on a major game show. He won over $150,000 and was giving half to his new ministry, which will help troubled youth stay off the streets via sports programs.
Jesus is amazing! Oh yeah, I forgot – I met Gidget in Woodbine center in 1997. She gave her life to Jesus to. And I’ve started going through my old yearbooks which are safe in storage, turns out a number of my old friends who were Atheists, Muslims, Hindus, etc are turning their lives over to Jesus and their lives are being transformed.
What’s up? Nothing Much! Or At Least, Nothing Good
February 17, 2007 by
So last night’s youth group was pretty good. I finally got to explain about the prayer board we’ll be using from now on. A good old fashioned cork board where we’ll post prayer requests on the left side, and answered prayer on the right side. There are already several prayer requests on the left side and I know that in 12 months there will be a full right side because God is faithful.
Sis came home from school for ‘spring break’ like 1 week before I thought she would. She’s at my mom’s place and doesn’t have a key to lock the door behind her, so she can’t go out anywhere until my mom comes back. This makes me happy :)
I’m cooking chicken and rice tonight.
Numb
January 5, 2007 by
Missions work is going very well, lots of great reports from everyone. So is the homeless outreach I do in Toronto. Street evangelism is also going well with the one downside of being threatened once in a while. My group was talking to a group of people about Jesus and a Muslim man listening threatened to “ruin my life.” lol. Church ministry projects are going very well. Work isn’t going so well, on the upside I’m enjoying the winter weather. My favorite season is Autumn, my least favorite is summer.
$1 Million Cash On My Coffee Table But I Rather Have Jesus
December 16, 2006 by
Overall, I didn’t make a profit this year. One business made money but the other lost, one investment went up and the other went down. When everything is all said and done, I lost money. I won’t know how much until an accountant preps my books but I’m sure it’s at least 5 figures. I worked like a dog. I worked all day. I took only a few days off. I pushed and pushed but it just seems like things didn’t work out. I’m exhausted.
Some of my notable 2006 expenses:
– $4,054 food
– $3,259 travel
– $3,086 banking
– $5,078 phone
Add that all up, multiply by 10 and I gave slightly more than that to outreach, evangelism, missions and new churches this year. Unfortunately I didn’t save anything, and I have a bad feeling about that.
So lets end this on a super happy note.
As I started driving out to Guelph for Dana’s wedding, it dawned on me again how fast life flies by. I met Dana online in 2002. We’ve become the best of online friends since then and met in real life in 2006. We only spent a little bit of time together in person, but hundreds of hours chatting online.
Dana’s dad and mom are pastors and missionaries. They’ve been all over the world saving lives. Their family and friends are missionaries as well. This kind of thing means the world to me. Dana grew up on the mission field and it’s molded who she is today.
The long drive to her city was a bit tiring for me, and I’ve done the drive many times to visit my sister at school. When I got to the church my jaw dropped, partially because from the outside it looked like it was sinking into the ground, partially because it looked like it was 1,000 years old. It was covered in beautiful wood and stone.
I met J for the very first time but I heard about him from Dana a lot. J’s family are also missionaries and J has been all over, especially Indonesia where he tells me his hobbies included swinging from vines in the jungle like Tarzan. I setup my camcorder and camera equipment and recorded the short and beautiful wedding ceremony. After, I gave Dana and J their hugs and went about my life for a few hours while the professional photographer took photos.
The reception was in a beautiful updated community centre. When I got to the reception we did more videotaping, we ate the most delicious foods from all over the world (seems like almost everyone was a missionary so they knew about all the different kinds of foods from all the different cultures). It wasn’t catered, people from all over the world cooked food. I had some delicious basmati rice with red curry. Most of the people there were white but collectively they had done church ministry work everywhere worldwide. The food was beyond amazing. The fact that a white person made curry better than brown people made me think.
I walked around and talked to men and women, children and adults, young and old. Many people were simply on break from a 2 year mission trip. Some were heading back to the airport in a few days to start a new mission trip or continue one. One young man told me he won’t be going into missions. “I’m going into business, someone has to stay here and pay for these missionaries to go do what they do, someone has to provide the money, it doesn’t grow on trees you know.” hahahaha! A man after my own heart. He was currently in business school and everyone in his family were full time missionaries. I had a good conversation with him. I talked to teen girls who weren’t into the latest pop music or celebrities but instead talked endlessly about 3rd world villages being transformed by the salvation message of Jesus. Can we trade some of these teens with our spoiled brat teens?
After the reception was over, I helped pack away the reception hall as is my custom, and to my shock all of the young people helped as well – without being asked. They were picking up and packing the folding tables themselves and doing it more efficiently than me. I was amazed and remembered again that missionaries have a lot to teach us. These kids aren’t concerned with what they can get for Christmas, but what they can give. I work with teens everyday and I’ve been trying and trying to teach them these values.
I said my farewells to everyone after it started getting late and I drove home that night in amazement of God. Even right now as I type this, I’m just floored. All those missionaries, in one room at the same time. If we could get them to stay in one city of Canada for 2 years they would transform the city. It’s one reason I’m happy to go overboard funding missions work.
On a silly note, while at the reception I was also honored to be the only colored person there. Everyone was white except for me. That is until 4 of Dana’s friends from school showed up late who were brown and black. After everything was finished I sat down with them and we all laughed about how cool it is to be a minority sometimes, especially when everyone else is so nice.
You know what, I can’t stop talking or thinking about this. I met over 100 amazing missionaries, yes I counted over 100 and talked to almost every one of them. I walked around the room shaking peoples hands and introducing myself. Dana’s whole family are missionaries for life and so are J’s. People of all ages, all educations, all kinds of skill sets, who have collectively been to almost every country in the world representing Jesus. Countries I’ve never even heard of! It was one of the most amazing experience for me to be in their presence.
Let me explain this better:
I was 17 years old. Summer. It was approaching evening. I had a home office packed with regular customers. The doorbell rang. 2 large black men came inside. They didn’t say a word. Both were carrying a Price Chopper grocery bag in each hand. 4 bags in total. They emptied the bags in front of me, on my fake wood coffee table.
$100 and $50 bills, Canadian, American and Euro currency. I stacked that money into separate piles of $30,000 each. It was so much I had to call my friend Steve to help. Steve was in the other room (my home office) dealing with some of our clients. When he saw the pile of money he was literally speechless. I mean literally. I thought he was going to faint. He stuttered a few words and then started counting. Steve’s been my buddy since grade 3.
We made over 30 piles, and counted almost $1 Million in cash. We sat there, looking at the money like it was a super hot girl. After we finished doing that, we packed the money neatly in a suitcase and rolled it over to the bank. The lady at the bank snapped at me saying “this line is for business only.” When we opened the suitcase a bit to show her, her mouth opened up so big I thought I could fit my head inside. Because of the sum of money some paperwork had to be done to make sure everything was in order, then we deposited the money just like we were depositing a paycheck for $400. Most of the money was then wired to Germany. When I got back home I logged into my dial up internet access, using my Cyrix 686 with 32mb of RAM and sent an email to a German company: “Hi, I’d like to introduce myself. My name is Asif Zamir, and I’ve just wired you $XXX,XXX.XX Please send the shipping container(s) to this shipping port and address…”
I should take a moment to mention the following:
– the whole thing was completely legitimate and fully legal
– nothing illegal was going on
– i never have that kind of cash in my home
– the cash wasn’t mine
– the shipping containers were filled with food-commodities going to a developing country to be sold at retail.
– cash was being used because the business owners involved were used to dealing with only cash. Later on they switched to more updated payment methods.
– it only sounds very shady when I talk about it
Needless to say, that was an interesting day for me, a 17 year old boy. But this day, this wedding of my great friend Dana and the reception where I met and talked to and prayed with 100 missionaries, and having some of them pray over me – and hearing about hundreds of thousands of souls being won for Jesus, about communities being changed and lives being completely healed, about the expansion of the faith and hundreds of new church plants doing well – this is truly more amazing to me than all the money in the world.
2006 by Asif Zamir
December 11, 2006 by
Each day I’d wake up, do my work, do some school, practice guitar. Of course I’m at church 4 or 5 times a week. If you only go once a week then you’re an amateur, and if you go less than once per week you’re a Catholic. Tuesday Mason takes the bus to Brampton and I’d drive him home, sometimes we’d hang out at Margaritas house eating delicious Jamaican food and playing boardgames. Thursdays I drive downtown Toronto to pickup Mason and Cassie and drive them home. Saturday is party night. Now by party night I don’t need booze and drugs, I mean movies and pizza and planning our volunteer and ministry work. What I like about my friends and the people I hang out with: If I invite them to feed the homeless with me, they don’t argue, they just show up. If I challenge them to stand on a street corner with me to share our faith in Jesus with strangers, they rise to the challenge and sometimes out do me.
We do weekly homeless ministry, special kids ministry events, and mostly I work with teens these days. I’ve started reading fiction books again! It’s because of my sister. She left this annoying looking book called “King Jerry” in the bathroom cupboard where I keep my books. I ran out of Archie’s so I was desperate. I picked it up and I couldn’t put it down! Next I found myself reading “How I paid for College”. I actually stayed up and read that for 7 hours. Now I’m back to reading new Gordon Korman books. I know they are only for young people but who cares. Youth is wasted on young people. (By the way Son of the Mob 1 and 2 by Gordon Korman). I haven’t read fiction books in over 10 years. I’m loving them again. On the other hand I read non fiction books daily. I read at least 1 per month on any topic. Business, real estate, finance, investing, marketing, law, Canada, history, American history, firearm safety, survival. You name it. Church is my favorite place to be. The library and bookstore is my second favorite places to be.
This week we are taking a group of teens paint balling. Then Mason and Eggbert will go off to London for their Christmas vacation for 18 days.
Human Wheels by John Melloncamp
July 9, 2006 by
(singing “Human Wheels” by John Melloncamp). Yesterday was Freddy’s birthday, and we went to a church picnic in Mississauga. I brought 150 pages of school work with me but part way through my sis and I left to go pickup her drivers license from Square One, which was long overdue. This has always been my life, and it will probably always be this way. Invited to a picnic, I’ve got to study and drive someone somewhere. Invited to a dinner, I have to make it 1/2 work 1/2 pleasure. Going to the movies, taking 4 children with me also.
While walking along in Square One, I saw a nice young lady and I thought to take a closer look at her, and when I did; she was wearing these shorts that were so short, part of her butt cheeks were just hanging out the bottom! I always wonder how girls do that in such public places. I like girls butts just as much as the next guy but girls, please, cover up at the mall.
More Missions
April 13, 2006 by
Dana wrote this and is allowing me to use it.
Saturday’s adventure at the missions convention was the greatest! :) B and Jon accompanied me to Toronto to take in as many of the workshops as we could. While there we unexpectedly ran into some friends!!
Asif and I had been planning for a while to meet up, but somehow we ended up not connecting before I hit the road on Saturday. So, imagine my surprise when I see Asif appearing just ten feet in front of me in one of the isles in this huge exhibition hall packed full of thousands of people!! How awesome was that?! Well, Beck and Jon ran into a couple surprise friends and family of their own in this same exhibition hall (including our uncle, a pastor in the Toronto area), so as they chatted with some of those folks, Asif and I took off to look through the gazillions of mission organizations and information booths crammed throughout the hall. As an aside, I was absolutely famished at the time, but when I heard that a tuna sandwich cost $7.75 I decided to starve instead. As Asif later commented, if I wanted to pay that much for a sandwich I could have gone to the movie theatre instead.
I was glad to see so many health and development organizations represented here, Habitat for Humanity Toronto, International China Concern, Living Water Canada, Mercy Ships (Canada), and many more.
Cambridge friends: We ran into a number of church friends from Cambridge as well. Among them was Alan whose heart is incredibly dedicated to overseas missions – he’s truly an inspiration!! We also ran into H, a social work student from church who I actually just met for the first time at MissionFest! We hit it off really well, so I look forward to chatting with her some more in the near future. :)
Half the fun of these events are always these surprise meetings with likeminded friends and family. So seeing familiar faces really gave the day a community atmosphere – I loved every minute of it!
Eggbert
March 31, 2006 by
Here is some poetry and a short story by Eggbert. She’s 18 now, but she used to be a little child in my children church class when she was about 9 or younger. I figured I’d keep some of her poetry / stories and bug her about them when she’s old, married with children of her own. This August I’ll help her move into college, and remind her that she used to pull on my shirt while eating candy, asking if I can buy her Archie Comics for her birthday.
March 27, 2006
Cinnquin
A bear,
With the great might
Of one who is stronger
Then all who may invade his home
Of trees.
The Gobble de Glook
Today I met a Gobble de Glook
Who seemed to me the perfect crook.
He carried with him a crooked rook,
Which, he showed me, was used to cook.
He claims to be cousins with the Mook,
Too weird to exist in all but a book.
Both the Glook and the Mook were friends
With the Jook,
Who had the most unusual hook.
These silly connections for granted I took,
For by now my brain was no better then gook.
But all of a sudden the fun little Glook
Took out a small, but hard covered book.
Inside it where pictures of the Glook, Mook,
And Jook, who had the most unusual hook.
And I couldn’t help but take a good look
To see for myself the connections of the
Gobble de Glook.
Coloring
Little girls coloring
Splashes of color
Beautiful tapestries
Lovingly put together with great care
Each color chosen painstakingly
Little boys coloring
Splashes of color
Beautiful tapestries
Messily put together
No thought of care
Each color randomly picked up
Little children coloring
Splashes of color
Beautiful tapestries
Each picture put together differently
Each color adding to the innocence
Of their hard work
Sonnet
As I look back on all the passing years
My memories are what I long to live.
For only then will I forget my fears
And to the past, myself I truly give.
The memories of times spent with my friends
And times when I could get some time alone.
Some more moments are just around life’s bends
Yet, past moments are best that I have known.
The memories of times where I could smile
At the mischievous, troublesome me.
Though my parents still loved me all the while
But to behave was their unending plea.
Although my memories are in the past,
The time I spend with them will always last.
Short Story – Adequacy
The old man smiled gruffly at the children as they cut in front of him, chasing after their ball. “If only” he thought to himself as he reminisced his childhood long forgotten. But as always an immediate sorrow flooded his soul. He scratched at his thickly overgrown beard. His appearance greatly matched his scruffy beard with old clothes that looked like they hadn’t been washed in awhile, which they hadn’t. His top was not quite tucked in and had a dark stain on the front from some left over meal, and the pants were in desperate need of ironing, with dirty hems. He just hadn’t had time to do laundry, and to tell the truth, he didn’t really know how. His wife had always done the laundry. The thought of her brought with it fresh pain all to near the brink of despair. She had been gone for six months now, had passed away peacefully in her sleep, and yet the old man could not bring himself to feel joy anymore.
The old man quickly pushed all those thoughts aside, out of his mind and continued on with his journey. Just a few more blocks to go and he would be at the train station where he would pick up his grandson. His daughter and son in law had this really good idea that leaving their son with him might cheer him up a bit while they go away for a small trip. He was not amused. Although he greatly loved his grandson, he was reluctant to have to watch him for a few days. He didn’t feel adequate enough to be able to keep the boy happy.
His daughter and grandson were waiting for him when he arrived. She quickly walked up and gave him a hug, mumbling that she knew how hard it was, but having his grandson around would do him some good.
“You never know, it may cheer you up a bit!” she said as brightly as she could. She gave her son a hug and then started to move away.
”It’ll only be for a few days. Thanks again dad!” she said as if to fill the silence descending on them all like a stifling blanket. Even the noise from the train station didn’t seem to penetrate the tension. Grandfather and grandson watched her walk away until she was out of sight. Finally the boy turned and looked up at his grandfather, his eyes big and round with hesitation, for he didn’t know what to expect. The old man looked down at the boy noticing his big round eyes. “Yup, never going to be able to please this one”, he thought to himself.
“Well let’s go kid.” The old man said with as much gruffness as he could muster. They turned to walk away and the boy reached up and grasped his grandfather’s hand out of desperation. The old man was touched by the gesture and bit his lip to hold back the onslaught of tears.
Going back to his little suburban two bedroom apartment just didn’t feel right, so the old man decided to take a detour, and maybe spend a little bit of time getting to know his grandson. He had never actually known the boy, for his daughter had chosen to move away from home; too far to see every weekend, but close enough to see every once in a while. So the old man and his wife had only seen the boy on special occasions.
The young boy said not a word as they walked. This made the old man feel guilty at not being capable to entertain him. Suddenly a thought came to him.
“Let’s go this way” the old man pointed to a street just off to the side. He tried to not sound as gruff as he had before, after all, the boy seemed scared of him. He led the boy through a maze of streets until they came upon an antique shops road. The boy’s eyes grew round at the sight of all the wonderful things that had become forgotten by the modern world. The old man smiled to himself. He could still remember the first time his dad had brought him here. Ha had been no older then his grandson was now, and had been absolutely amazed at the wonderful sights. One particular shop stood out in his mind though. It had been one of the most thrilling shops that he had ever been to. That was where he was taking his grandson.
As the shop came into sight, a small gasp escaped the young boy’s lips. The grandfather paused in front of the shop long enough to thoroughly entice the boy before going in. Boats filled the room and the strong smell of mahogany floated on the air. The boats ranged in sizes, some big and majestic, others simple, but all were extraordinary. The model boats were spectacular to look at.
“How about we buy one of the model kits and then take it home to build it?” asked the grandfather. All shyness forgotten, the excited boy nearly shouted out his agreement and then quite happily helped his grandfather pick out the perfect model.
Once they were on their way home, the young boy grabbed his grandfather’s hand again, only this time the old man felt the love and awe emanating off him. Feeling more adequate, the old man began to tell the boy of his own experience first visiting the shop. The boy listened with the eager anticipation that only a young child could produce, and for the first time in months, the old man felt truly happy.
God Bless America!
March 6, 2006 by
I woke up in the morning, ate breakfast and headed straight to work. There is always too much to do. In fact I had to switch my “to do” list from small note paper to large note paper.
I did my emails, my phone calls, paperwork, computer work, research and errands (banking, post office etc.) I find that sitting in heavy traffic wastes about 2 hrs a day of my time.
Around 3pm I was finished working. Way behind schedule, though satisfied that I did a good amount of work for the day. Lingering in the back of my head is the thought “I wish I had done even more this week.”
I packed my clothes into my new suitcase which at the time of purchase was super cute, however way to small. I unplugged my water fountain and was on my way.
By 4:30pm I was on the road. Headed down the 401 toward Mason. I made a detour in London to finally meet my 83 year old pen pal of 8 years, Daphne. We’ve been snail mailing regularly since the 90’s and she’s so fun to talk to. We exchanged photos and did a few phone conversations here and there. What does a mid 20’s brown man and a mid 80s white lady have in common? Thanks to Jesus we have tons in common. At her apartment we ate cookies and drank instant coffee while chatting about all sorts of great adventures from her past, and my future plans. Daphne is amazing, she showed me her binders of missions work, with over 7,000 (yes seven thousand) total pages of adventures for God. My binder only has a few hundred pages. Over the years she’s saved all the letters I’ve sent her, and I’ve saved all of hers in my treasure box. She’s lived her entire life for God. Her husband died a few years ago and she no longer drives but she dreams about maybe going to Australia for one last mission trip. I prefer being friends with people like Daphne over people my age who only drink and go clubbing. Older people have a better perspective on life.
Around 7:30pm I left and picked up Mason who lives way out into the country. We were driving off when he asked if I’d like to go say goodbye to his mom and Eggbert.
Around 8pm Mason and I were on the road. He kept asking where we were staying, and along the way we would see “Holiday Inn” everywhere so I told him we would stay at Holiday Inn. I actually did think we were staying there because I thought that’s what I booked online.
Anyway, we got to the USA Michigan border around 9:30pm and they asked us to pull over while they searched our car. I was nervous because we weren’t allowed to be present while they searched our car and I was wondering what would happen if they simply stole our $500 in cash or planted something on us. I obviously watch too many movies about this stuff. It happens to others I’m sure. 95% of the people waiting for their car to be checked were non-white. Just saying.
Anyway, we were on our way about 30 minutes later and the border officials were perfectly nice. We toured through Michigan, and then a long drive through Ohio HWY I-80. Wow! It was fantastic. It was really really good. Nothing better than a long drive in the middle of nowhere, it really clears your mind. Since Mason moved we’ve been mostly chatting online, you’d think that we’d be chatting the whole way but for this long stretch of road there was complete silence as both of our lives are at turning points.
What was hilarious was that we stopped at a toll booth for a toll road, which was unexpected. I was worried that it would cost us about $150 in tolls because in Canada we have Highway 407 which is extremely expensive. Mason and I drove on it (407) for about 45 minutes and it cost about $40.00. And today we were to drive on this US toll road for about 3 hours! Well needless to say I was worried. Anyway I asked the lady in the booth approximately how much we might have to pay and she calculated for about a full minute with a calculator. I thought “Oh boy it’s going to be a lot”. Well anyway, she finally told us “It might be up to $2.30”. Oh we laughed and laughed. I think I may have even said out loud “God bless America”.
We stopped at a truck stop to get some food because we wanted to make our road trip official – but it was really nasty in there. We couldn’t stand it so we left, but before I did, I purchased a lotto ticket from a vending machine, which is something we can’t do in Canada (that I know of). I won $2 on a $1 ticket however they wouldn’t let me cash it in because apparently the business hours were closed for cashing in lotto tickets in Ohio.
Anyway about 50km later we were at a familiar sight – McDonald’s. It was great. Vending machines of all sorts, a shoe buffer in the bathroom. We took some fancy Indiana catalogs from a display rack and then ordered our food. The worker took our order with pencil and paper, and then added it up that way. At first we thought we were in real Amish town but later found out the cash registers were down for the day. He looked Amish so I’m not sure what to believe. I also remember the lady in the tollbooth used a hand held calculator and didn’t have a modern register. She used a pen and paper also.
Anyway, as we sat down to eat, Mason showed me the Holiday Inn brochure he picked up and went on and on about how cool it was with the pool and hot tub and Internet and arcade etc.
Anyway we continued our drive and had to take a big detour through some Ohio city because of construction. It was fun but we were really behind schedule.
We pulled into long straight Indiana Amish roads about 2:30am. It was so peaceful and nice. About 3:30am we pulled into the Holiday Inn and the lady there explained that all of her reservations were checked in already. LOL. Anyway I was beginning to worry. We went right across the street to Ramada Inn and finally got some closure – we had a real reservation there! Ha!
At 4am I was in bed trying to sleep, but I couldn’t. Anyway around 6:30am my pal Margaret called, she was in the lobby with donuts (yuck, she didn’t realize that I can’t stand sugar in the morning). Well I told her we had barely slept a wink and we would meet up with her later. I felt extremely bad about this. See she was there because I promised her we would help her with her ministry that hands out coffee and donuts to people in the morning and saying nice things to them. It’s part of a church initiative. I can’t explain how badly I felt for not being able to do it. It wasn’t just the lack of sleep that night, but so far this year I haven’t been getting the sleep I need. I’m over working like crazy. I’ve gone overboard and it’s making me sloppy.
We slept for a few more hours and though still extremely exhausted from the long drive and not-so-good sleep, we woke up, showered and got ready for our day.
I walked through the hallway towards the lobby, and saw Margaret fidgeting with something in her jacket. (A hat she had knitted for me.) We exchanged hugs and talked for a few minutes before heading back to my room to meet Mason. Well, after that Margaret drove us to her house where we got the grand tour, and met with Emily: a friend who works in a factory by day and lives in a beautiful house she commissioned herself. Emily is full of spunk. I learned later on she even does such things as skydiving! Wow! I won’t even jump on a trampoline.
We met Anna, we met Sarah, a black girl who reminded me of Lauren. We then spent a few minutes deciding where to eat lunch while I took pictures of one of the super fat cats they owned.
They decided on a Chinese buffet. At the buffet we ate some really good food, had some good conversations about Indiana, Canada, road trips, street gangs, Jane and Finch and a whole page of other conversations. American people have heard of Jane and Finch which is really sad for Canada. After we ate one of the most sumptuous buffet meals ever in a really nice place, the bill came, and I figured once again that it would be just like Canada – about $45.00 each person. Wrong again, It was $6.00 per person including taxes and drink. I realized that some places in the world simply have a lower cost of living. Obviously if we were in New York City we’d be broke by now. But honestly, God bless America.
We paid and then left for our next destination: The Old Bag Factory. It was closed when we got there. Apparently everything closes early in Goshen during the weekends. So we went to a nearby store that was very interesting. This store had products from all over the world, but paid the creators fair prices for their work. The store was non profit and was run by volunteers.
Anyway after spending a good hour there I was really bored (not to mention exhausted). We went to a Christian coffee house to meet Trea and her baby, Gav. I had a strawberry smoothie while we all chatted, for about an hour or more. It was so nice to meet all of these people especially since I had heard so much about them over the months. Also, a christian coffee house – only in America. This kind of store wouldn’t survive 1 year in the Toronto area, no way. Rights activists would have it shut down for one reason or another.
After all of this we headed over to Blockbuster to pickup some videos. It seems like Blockbuster in Indiana had way more of a selection that Blockbuster here in Canada. I’m not quite sure. Anyway, it took about another hour to get our videos because they had to sign me up with a new membership card because my Canadian card wasn’t valid here. We then went to a large grocery store to get snacks, another errand that took about an hour. I wanted to get some fresh cut fruit however Mason wanted some junk food. Well they had had a huge selection because they had 1 isle dedicated to sugary drinks, another isle dedicated to chips and another isle dedicated to candies. Massive 3lb bags of candies even! Is there a health crisis in America yet? Oh yes and I shouldn’t forget, they have 3ltr bottles of soda here compared to our 2lr bottles! Wow! And you can even purchase real liquor in the grocery store, something you can’t do in Canada that I know of. It’s just right there in the regular isles. Not that we purchased any.
Anyway after our amazement we left and went to the hotel, nobody else was going to be joining us because they all had previous plans. I was too tired to argue about it.
We watched the first movie called 11:14 (2003). An excellent dark comedy with many twists and turns. After we started a zombie movie which really sucked. Half way through that Sarah called us and invited us to Steak and Shake for a snack. I was almost too tired to go but I went anyway. I had a tuna melt, Margaret had cheese fries, Mason had cheese fries also (I think). Anyway we then met Sarah’s ex boyfriend who now does work for Comedy Central. We chatted for about another hour, and then Margaret drove us home. The steak and shake was packed. Groups of friends just eating and chatting. I like to eat and watch tv. Margarets group likes to do this thing where you pay for your meal and you pay for a strangers also, and if possible give them a note that says God loves you. So we did that, it was neat and I promised to do it more often.
My goal was to take about 100 photos during the trip, however as luck had it I took about 20 photos and only 5 came out nice.
Well when Mason and I got to the hotel, we finally had a chance to look around. We toured around to see the gigantic swimming pool, the well stocked arcade, and other amenities including bunny rabbit and bird-in-a-cage. Mason logged onto the hotels internet on his Palm Pilot so we could look up a good map to use for tomorrow’s driving home. He’s so into technology and I’m not really anymore. Not so much these days. Give me a good old paper map, a pad of paper and pen.
Around 11pm I eased into bed while watching “Unique Whips”. Unique Whips is about an auto customization company in New York called Unique Autosports. They do all kinds of car customizations. I try to watch that show every time it’s on now.
Sunday morning: We woke up around 8am. Still with a sleep deficit but at least it’s not that big anymore. We ate some toast in the breakfast room then I showered (by the way, awesome hotel for the price, unbeatable). Mason and I packed our things, tidied up the hotel room, and checked out.
We warmed up my gorgeous 1998 Mercury and it sputtered for a while, made me a bit nervous (it was cold out) and then as it warmed up it started to sound beautiful (for a car that is). You know the car didn’t give an ounce of trouble the whole trip, I was so glad. With my luck we should have gotten 5 flat tires. Margaret pulled up about 9:35am and we followed her on a 30 minute drive into the city for church. We pulled up to a large building and as we were walking in, I gave Margaret a Canadian loonie and toonie. For 15 months she didn’t believe that those were the real names so I was finally able to prove it to her.
It’s funny how something can be very real to one person and complete nonsense to someone else.
While coming into the church we were greeted with handshakes, coffee, donuts, a bulletin (which I might still have). Apparently visitors even receive a welcome package with a music cd. I was very impressed. Talk about VIP welcome. The worship was really good. One of the songs I couldn’t get out of my head went like this:
The highest of heights to the depths of the sea
Creation’s revealing Your majesty
From the colors of fall to the fragrance of spring
Every creature unique in the song that it sings
All exclaiming
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Who has told every lightning bolt where it should go
Or seen heavenly storehouses laden with snow
Who imagined the sun and gives source to its light
Yet conceals it to bring us the coolness of night
None can fathom
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
All powerful, untameable,
Awestruck we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim
You are amazing God
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
Incomparable, unchangeable
You see the depths of my heart and You love me the same
You are amazing God
You are amazing God
The song is called Indescribable by Christ Tomlin
Now came time for communion. They got out a big cup filled with juice and a giant stick of bread. I’ve done communion hundreds of times but this was different. I leaned over to Margaret and asked “are we all going to drink out of that cup?”. She laughed and explained that everyone breaks off a piece of bread and then dips it into the cup. I was relieved. Margaret later told me she saw the look of fear on my face when I was asking her about it.
The pastor gave a fantastic sermon from the heart. I was impressed that nobody in this church of about 500 adults wore a suit. Mason was the fanciest dressed haha! The pastor talked about real Christianity vs. people who just say they are a Christian / Catholic. After the service we took a tour of the church while wishing it was my own home church. Mason said that he wants to move to Indiana just to go to church there. I agreed. A good church will do that. It makes people sell their homes and move. I wonder how many people moved because Jesus lived in a certain place. I bet a lot. The bible says that people came from all over the world just to meet King Solomon. How much more would they want to hear from the Lord Himself.
After church we all drove to Blimpies which was like a Subway Restaurant, (Mason now doing all of the driving). We met Jimmy and ate some subs. I had the tuna again. I know, I need to try new things. We listened to Mariah Carrey on the Blimpie stereo system. Afterward we went to Emily’s to finally see her custom made house I’ve been hearing about for the past 15 months. I got the grand tour and I was extra impressed. She had about an acre of property backing right onto the forest, 3 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, hardwood and plush carpeting. Beautifully furnished with old woods. A modern home with old world charm. The backyard view was amazing. What impressed me the most was that this young American girl was such a go getter. She wasn’t concerned with finding a man, she just worked hard, built up her own house, her own land, her own furnishings. She follows God and nobody bosses her around.
Every road trip has to come to an end. I was sad because it was 1pm and time to leave if we were to stay on schedule. I took some more photographs, gave Margaret a hug, and then we left. Mason had an easy time driving through I-80, then I-69, a different route than which we came with. The fact that it took me 15 months to do this trip concerns me. During the drive home, I was sad, to tell you the truth. I wished my friends lived closer to me. Even Mason lives about 2 hours away now days. Worst than this, years before my friends and I would just drop everything on a whim to hang out, that’s not the case today. So many responsibilities, so much to do, so many conflicting schedules. Everyone has to check their calendar. Emergencies come up, some friends have children, others have cancer.
We got to the Canadian border around 6pm, however there was a massive traffic jam there so we didn’t pass through till about 7pm. Frustrating to just wait in traffic!
We stopped for gas and got some donuts / coffee which I figured I would need. I was fairly quiet along the ride home except for going on and on to Mason about how excellent the trip was. Our long drive there was awesome, meeting excellent people who I had been hearing about and the simple fun we had.
I dropped off Mason to his house around 8:30pm and left right away. Eggbert had really wanted me to stay for dinner, she tried and tried to convince me but I was too tired and I had work the next day.
On the way home I was mostly silent except for my praises to God. It was a special weekend for me. A much needed mini vacation and some spiritual therapy. I kept singing the verses of the new song I learned;
Indescribable, uncontainable,
You placed the stars in the sky and You know them by name.
You are amazing God
I picked up some fast food and pulled into my house around 10:30pm. Exhausted but so refreshed spiritually.
Jesus vs Satan. Jesus Wins
December 31, 2005 by
This month I gave really nice furniture to a nice family from Newfoundland who live in Mississauga. A beautiful canopy bed for a girl, also a girls dresser, wall paintings, etc. You should have seen the excitement on her cute little face as I assembled the bed, I had to put the mattress on before I was finished so she could jump on it as soon as possible. Afterward her father showed me some great photos of his home town in Newfoundland and we had a beer, which is a tradition in Newfoundland. Actually I think 10 beers is the tradition, but I left it at one.
Any way, to the main story. In life, everyone will take a beating one way or another. Some people will get a few more beatings than others. Some beatings are physical, some emotional, some metaphoric. Some will get all different kinds. I got all different kinds and I got many of them.
When we lived at Brandon Gate, when I was exactly 11 years old, I took one such beating. I’ve had many beatings in my life than ended with blood and cuts and scars, but I remember this one a lot. I’ll remember this one for a long time.
Now let me paint the picture for you, at that time in life I was working part time, bringing in good money. I remember quietly setting aside a few bucks each month to buy a radio controlled car from Radio Shack. My neighbor was selling his gas powered radio controlled car but I couldn’t afford it, but I purchased a decent battery powered model from Radio Shack. I had to hide it in my room, in a hidden compartment I setup behind my desk. My parents had a decent grasp on my income and realized something was wrong with my account balance. I showed them the car, received a grounding for buying something for myself and it was sent to Guyana to more needy children. I explained that where we were sending it, they didn’t even have the electricity to charge the battery. I was helping them pay their car payments but I couldn’t have a toy car for myself. Story of my life.
I went to school, got decent grades (okay maybe that’s a stretch) and stayed out of trouble for the most part (that’s definitely a stretch). I did my chores, went to the mosque as ordered. Okay okay, I used to take their cars out for drives here and there. Just up and down Goreway drive and Brandon Gate and Morning Star and Airport Road. Why not, after all I was helping make the monthly payments, and it sure was more fun than a radio controlled car.
One day, after a long day at school, my step dad asked me to prepare soup for my sister, he couldn’t do it because that would cut into his beer time. I prepared the soup the wrong way (I didn’t add the can of water to her chicken noodle soup). In my defense I had to hurry and finish my chores and then get to work at my job and then finish my homework. I lied about my age to get a paper delivery job with the Toronto Sun and I could earn more money by signing up new subscribers so I spent hours each day knocking on doors saying “hello would you like to subscribe to the Sunday Sun?” It was a terrible sales pitch with less than a 1% success rate but my route was close to 100 subscribers.
While I was on my knees scrubbing the floor with a brush, my beating started. Now in past years I would scream and cry and beg for mercy, peeing on myself and sometimes trying to run. But this time around I took my beating, no tears, no shame. I was being punched in the head mostly. Punch after punch, not one tear but my voice was shaky.
I was beaten so hard I couldn’t stand up. Have you ever been punched in the head so hard that your ears rang, and your vision was blurred for days after? If not, then you’ve never been punched. Part way through this life lesson, I looked up at him and said with great emotion “I’m growing everyday, one day I will kill you.” It sobered him up right away because he knew it was very true. He said something along the lines of “I know”.
After I finished my chores I went about my work knocking on doors. I didn’t sign on even one new customer.
Less than year later they divorced and we moved a few roads down. When I was 12 I went to the Malton library and took out a few books about Karate. I would practice as much as I could each day. By age 13 I would fulfill one of my life long dreams, I studied Kung Fu at a really good martial arts school. Before you could join, you had to be interviewed by the main instructor. He was extremely impressed with what I had already learned just from books alone.
I had to save like crazy to afford it, it wasn’t cheap. And I had to take the bus a long way and come home really late. It wasn’t easy with all my responsibilities. There was this time when mom left for like 4 or 5 weeks at least, without telling us anything. She just upped and left and we knew better than to report her missing or go look for her, we knew she’d be back eventually. I was working at pickwicks potatoes at the time. I trained really hard, but it was hard carrying the family and doing school as well. Nevertheless I trained hard and I learned fast.
Training was awesome. Sometimes we trained in the dark, blindfolded, one on one, 3 on one, one person holding you down while another beats you. We would train after a hard workout and simulate different scenarios. We would learn how to take a beating. At home I trained as hard as I could including striking wood boards to harden up my knuckles and shins. My hands and feet would bleed and blister up badly, but we had to learn how to handle pain, to embrace it, to love it, to use it to our advantage. I became obsessed with hand to hand combat. I read every book, every magazine. I watched as many martial arts movies ever, usually going to obscure video stores to get them.
My teacher would have to partner with me during sparring because nobody else wanted to – I would give hard beatings to people twice my size, and they could punch and kick me all they wanted, I wouldn’t even flinch. After a few years my Kung Fu teacher would use me as the final opponent during tests and I wouldn’t let any one pass. I remember this one man, he was in his 30’s, I was in my teens. I was in the 90lb range, he was pushing 190. He was taller than me (most people are) and he thought he would have an easy pass. Smiling at me, I smiled back. I let him hit me several times then I kicked him in the side of his head like it was nothing. I felt bad for him when he failed, I felt even worst when he cried in the change room. He was an adult man, crying the way I cried when I was a child.
My instructor put extra effort into me. One of his concerns was that I could easily go to the dark side and become a bad guy. He would even drive me home sometimes, giving me wisdom about self control. I returned the favor by helping him promote his school on the internet which was a baby at the time.
In high school I would hold sort of “fight clubs” here and there. At first at the school but then some teachers caught on and gave me a lecture about insurance, so we would do it at different houses. My shop teacher introduced me to his veteran buddy who fought in world war 2 (to my recollection). I still remember the introduction in my mind. It was during shop class and went something like this:
Teacher: “Asif, meet my friend, he fought in this war, he knows 100 ways to kill a man.”
Asif: “Sir, please teach me everything you know.”
I would hang out with them both as much as I could. One time I kicked the crap out of a guy in the school locker room, this other guy who was already a black belt saw and challenged me and I quickly beat him too. Another time I dropped off a friend at one of those cool-people parties and when I was about to leave this big guy challenged me. It took me maybe 30 seconds to put him on the ground. I made a name for myself. The girl who lived at the party house invited me to go jogging with her, and I would end up teaching self defense to some high school girls at someones basement. Honestly if my life had a highlight reel, this would be in there somewhere.
After years of hard and faithful training, rising up in the ranks one belt at a time, I was in the black belt club, and I concluded my training when I was a young adult. I was proud of my martial arts training. Even wearing my uniform in public, even at church. It was a lifelong dream to do martial arts and I busted my butt to pay for it. From start to finish, I did it. If I had a different life I might have opened my own martial arts school, specifically a woman’s self defense class.
Many years later, instead of giving my step dad the beating (or worse) that I promised him as a child, I gave him a hug and a Bible and we became real friends.
Jesus is able to arrange that kind of thing. No other gods can do it.
Progress
June 30, 2005 by
Many of my clients surpass me, building more successful businesses than I’ve ever been able to build. I’m just the lowly consultant helping with business plans and emergency situations and everything in between. Years ago it was simple things, like choosing the right software to manage inventory or helping to find enough used industrial shelving for a new warehouse or reviewing a business plan before it gets submitted to the bank.
Today my clients call me if their children are acting a fool. I go to my clients house, and talk to their teens, to their spoiled young adult kids. Here’s a tip: if you allow your 16 year old to have the entire finished basement to himself, plus every toy any kid can dream of plus money so that he doesn’t have to work, that kid will be spoiled no matter what anyone says to him.
As I begin moving some kids into college this year, it’s surreal. It’s like a dream that I’m just going along with. Just a few years ago this group was just a bunch of punk kids and teens making me angry with everything they do. I’d be screaming at them to smarten up. I screamed at some of them till they cried. I went over to their house and screamed at their crackhead parents.
I even went over to their drug suppliers residences to threaten them. Have you ever threatened a drug dealer twice your size, who has a loaded gun on his coffee table in front of you? I have, more than once.
I’ve also been super nice by buying them stuff and taking them out to eat often. Smoothing things over when they get into big trouble. Seeing this group graduate high school and get into college or university is amazing. As I help them fill out student loan apps and pick useful classes, I wonder what my life would have been like if I had good role models to help me do much better, to reach my full potential. That’s the part I hate the most, everyone around me and especially me, knows that I haven’t reached my potential at all. My teachers in school were right about so much.
I’ve been lecturing everyone about college. Stay away from booze, stay away from drugs, stay away from people who party. Focus on school, get part time work. Some people are so grateful they nod at everything I say and others are noticeably irritated at my nagging.
In 2011 I’ll move another group into college and then that’s it, I’m retired. LOL. Okay maybe not. I’m just getting tired is all.
N-Large
May 29, 2005 by
In the 90’s I applied for student loans and then decided not to take them, I’ve been paying my college as I go, which means I do it much slower, but debt free. The ultimate goal is to earn a PhD or Doctorate. I don’t think I’m the PhD type but Ill go as far as I can. I should have done my entire life this way.
Growing up, we would use our possessions as gently as possible, and when we outgrew them, we would send them to Guyana. Sometimes I’d get irritated because it seemed like the better stuff would go to Guyana and I’d be stuck with crap. In grade 9 I wore clothes from Goodwill. I remember my $4 pair of jeans with someones name written on the inside tag. “Johnathan.” it said.
Shoes were the most annoying. My shoes were the cheapest shoes you could find. They would always be falling apart and I would repair them as best as possible. I would really wear my shoes out though. In grade 9, for about a full semester the entire bottom of my shoes had simply wore out so my socks and feet were actually touching the ground. It was embarrassing but so much other stuff was going on in life that I just went with it. When you’re defeated, you’re defeated and that’s how I spent most of my young life. I put my feet in plastic bags before I put them in my shoes, and that helped a lot. That’s not actually the worst. At Yorkview Public School there was a rule that you had to wear boots during certain weather conditions and change into clean dry shoes when you got to school. If you didn’t do this, you would have to walk around in your socks all day. Yorkview was a fantastic school. The teachers were overall very kind and we had a neat french immersion program which ensured that I got top grades in french my whole life. But this one rule was nuts. Of course I didn’t have a pair of shoes to change into, so I would always be in my socks, walking down the wet and cold hallways. People would ask why I was so forgetful to bring my “extra pair of shoes.” which I thought was simply a white people luxury at the time, and I would tell them to go to my house and ask my parents and get their head busted open in the process, instead of mine.
Now in terms of glasses, I used to have perfect vision. Then in grade 5 my vision started to slip. I couldn’t see the chalkboard even from the front row, but we couldn’t afford eye glasses. Well, maybe we could – when I told my parents / guardians that I needed glasses, they responded “no, you’re just bad.” Stupid monkey people.
Grade 6, grade 7, grade 8 my teachers would say “if anyone wants to come up to the front to copy off the board you can do that.” I wasn’t the only one, there were several people who really needed glasses. I got my first pair of glasses in December of grade 9 – the end of first semester, and I only got them because my french teacher told me not to return to his class unless I had glasses. The jackass made a mockery out of me in front of everyone, in front of all of my poor friends who couldn’t afford glasses. He was pretty much the most hated teacher in all of high school, everyone hated the guy. During class he would ask me to go get him paper towels from the bathroom, because his armpits were sweaty and he would need to soak up the sweat during class. Bloody french people, I thought to myself. I still think that actually.
I returned the next semester in his class with glasses, the cheapest pair we could find. Unfortunately 1 or 2 of my classmates couldn’t afford it and didn’t return to his class. Some of them didn’t even return to school.
This month I got myself new shoes, and new eye glasses, the kinds I wanted. And I gave a bunch of new clothes, shoes and new prescription eye glasses to people who really need them, who will make good use of them. It’s a nice feeling to take a car load of people to the mall, male and female, young and old and tell them “everyone get what you need and get something you want.”
One boy, age 14 put his brand new glasses on and told me that it feels so good to see properly and that he felt like crying.
I know the feeling.
Most people die at age 25 and aren’t buried till age 75
December 31, 2004 by
Benjamin Franklin is so right.
In 2001 I was asked to do a favor for someone, to hide millions of $ in cash and assets for a very wealthy person because he was about to go through a bitter divorce. I think he wanted me to help hide $10M CAD but I’m not sure anymore. I declined, as I always decline offers like this. Yes I was offered a generous commission and favors in return, and I’m sure some of the people reading this would say “asif’s an idiot, I would have taken the money.” Actually I got insulted for this, for declining. In this life, you get insulted for doing the wrong things which is to be expected, but you can be insulted much more for doing the right thing. There’s no winning sometimes.
I’ll close this entry on a positive note, this has been a good year overall. I worked hard, I prayed hard, I played hard. Every mission and evangelism and outreach project (except 1) did great, many people gave their life to Christ, also many lives were saved.
One of my favorite missions projects this year: Mission Planes. There are several big ones (big passenger liners) that have been converted into mobile hospitals. Licensed doctors are in them, they are fitted to take off and land almost everywhere on the African continent and each landing can help to do emergency medical for hundreds of people plus thousands of important vaccinations and health education for people who would otherwise not receive such attention.
There are several hundred small ones (double person propeller planes) that fly over different countries of the world, to remote tribes. They don’t always land, they usually drop important supplies + christian literature in local languages to villages and people that have no access to the outside world. One of my friends is currently flying one such plane over Australia as I write this. His adventures are too many to number, and hundreds of people are giving their life to Jesus. What a great year.
Don’t believe the hype
November 28, 2004 by
I was invited to a church on the east end several times and after some nagging I decided to check it out. When I drove up to the ultra massive building, many parking attendants guided my car to a parking spot. The place was so big, staff were driving around the parking lot in golf carts to keep things organized. On the inside of the main sanctuary, there were many tv cameras (I think I counted 6 real tv cameras). The music was good. To be fair I’m good with just about any kind of worship music. There were many announcements. Finally the speaker, a guest from Brazil, went up to the podium and began to speak. About a few words into her sermon I knew this was going to be a big nasty prosperity gospel money grabbing message which would make me angry, so I dint’ bother getting too comfortable.
20 minutes into the message, the speaker did something I’ve heard about but never seen in person. Gold colored material appeared on her hands and arms. She then made a claim it was pure gold and even had written verification from a supposed expert company, this letter was projected on one of the several large screens, it said that even diamonds were there too. lol. At that point hundreds of people ran up to the front and began rubbing her, as if she was a genie in a bottle. I couldn’t believe I was seeing this. I recommend people to churches all the time in different cities and even countries, and I was glad to scratch this church off my list. I just wish I could scratch it out of my memory.
I was waiting for the big kicker and it happened after a few more minutes. She proceeded to tell us that God just told her that we should all give her $100 today and if we do, God would bless us, but if we disobey, we would be in trouble with God. Hundreds, maybe more than 1,000 people ran up to the front and started throwing money at the lady. The room had maybe 3,000 or 4,000 people in it at the time, maybe more. I got up and walked out of the service. I’ll never return to this church but I know others who will, and I won’t try to convince them not to. I won’t say a word about it.
There are people who are dumb enough to believe the hype. Most of the people who ran up to rub the lady’s hips for her gold did it because they saw other people doing it first. The people running up to give their money, most do it because they see others doing it. Just because other people are doing something dumb doesn’t mean you should join in. The person who invited me is a well educated, super smart person who comes from a family of smart people, she’s regularly skeptical of everything. So it’s not just stupid people who fall for this stuff.
God doesn’t do these bizarre gold related ‘miracles’. They are not from God. But if you tell a person to just live faithfully and forget all that mumbo jumbo they get bored. People want the insanity. They want the hype. They prefer a sensational story instead of the plain truth. They want gold dust, they want a good speech about prosperity, they want to be lied to if it makes them feel good. They don’t mind if it puts their walk with God in jeopardy, as long as they stay entertained.
Today’s society hears the truth and refuses it. They prefer to buy into the lie, even if it costs them their eternal soul.
Girls shouldn’t go wild in public
September 30, 2004 by
I went over to Longos to treat myself to some delicious dinner items and on the way out I saw these 2 girls going wild. Basically they were chatting up such a storm while packing away their groceries in the back seat, that they didn’t even bother to close the back door of the car. The young lady, college aged, left the back door wide open and started driving away, continuing to chat. I dropped my items and ran after the car, which was trying to exit the parking lot. “Stop, stop you left your back door open” I yelled and yelled and they just continued to drive and to chat. As the lady was about to drive past a pole, which would have damaged the door significantly. She slowed down right near the pole and I ran as fast as I could and slammed the door shut just in time. She looked at me, laughed, and continued to chat and drive away as if nothing happened. I went back to the store entrance, picked up my bags and went home. Enjoyed a good dinner.
Mason and I took one last walk around Malton together. During our 1 hour walk which included Brandongate Drive and Morning Star Drive and Darcel Avenue, we saw 7 people being arrested at 7 different houses. Malton.
Unfortunately, the next day I helped him move far away. I’ve been doing ministry with them and been friends for a number of years, and they’ve taught me a lot and given me a lot of great opportunities, and I hope I’ve been a blessing to them as well. It is very sad to see good friends move so far away that you can’t really visit without making an entire day of it. Thank the Lord for text messaging and the internet, but still, it’s not the same. It took 8 of us about 7 hours and 3 vehicles to get everything loaded, and we still didn’t get everything completely loaded. We talked about our many fun adventures, exchanged hugs, and I watched them drive away. I keep trying to calculate how much time we’ve spent together doing work for the Lord and the number is between 9,000 and 10,000 hours. But others are saying only 4,000. Either way the number boggles my mind. It was all for the Lord. The number of lives saved, the number of people who gave their life to Christ. Who can keep track of it all?
Walking back home I realized that Malton won’t be the same without them. My first day in Malton, back in the 80’s wasn’t a great one. My new black neighbors told me that they wanted to move out of the city to get away from OTHER black people, which confused me at the time. They eventually did move, and by that time I understood. Anyway, the town has just been getting rougher and rougher all the time. The more good families that move out, the worst this town gets. Even right at this moment a man ran away from the police and dropped a small bag of white powder at the corner of Darcel and Woodruff. It’s just sitting there. I wonder if he’ll go back and pick it up. Maybe it’s just baby powder?
The mission takes priority
April 27, 2004 by
When I was in high school I was not in the in crowd. I was mostly a loner with too much responsibility to notice what was going on around me. I was also in the video club, and the nerd club which was fine with me. One day I got an invite to a cool people party. I can’t remember what cool thing I did to get this invite, I think it had something to do with beating up a dirt bag that was mistreating a girl. If you know me you know that I don’t go to parties. Never have, never will. I did stop by this one to see what it was like because a girl asked me to take her there safely. It’s just like what you see in the movies with the booze and the making out and silly behavior. Super hot high school girls ruining their lives one boy at a time. Fast forward though to today and the people I knew from that party are mostly doing nothing with their lives. I do stop and chats with some of them at the mall and it’s just sad. Today I met one of them in a convenience store at the Westwood Mall and asked him what he’s been up and he said “staying high”.
Several times in my life, I have learned that the in crowd is the sin crowd. They are the crowd that most people strive to attain membership in, but the worst crowd to be a part of. Everything looks good on the outside. Smiles, friendship, even fun and love. But it’s not real. It doesn’t last. It breaks down. It’s not worth it. Plenty of backstabbing, plenty of gossip. Everyone wants everyone else to fail.
I’m trying out this new thing called digital cable. Basically you have a box you attach to your tv and you get more channels, plus movies on demand and special content. After enjoying it for a few days I was reminded that America has had similar technology for a while, maybe not digital though, in fact I rented a movie on demand back in the late 80’s or early 90’s in New York City. To my recollection it was either something with Hulk Hogan or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Why is Canada behind on these things? And why do companies market their technology as new when it’s been in existence and use for a long time? I don’t mean this about the digital cable but everything.
I watched my friend C give his life to Jesus in the late 90’s. I think 1998 or 1999. At the time he was about 6ft tall and maybe 275+ lbs. (dude if you’re reading this and I’m wrong about your weight, I’m so sorry) I was sitting way at the back and he walked from the very back all the way down the isle during an emotional church service, and fell down on the ground at the alter. He was crying hard. When others saw this they started crying. K brought him to church, I think that was his first time. Later we would be camping in Bancroft and we shared a tent. While I was trying to sleep, my other friend L came into the tent, and her and C chatted the night away. It wouldn’t be much long after that for them to get married, and I stood near him at his wedding as a groomsmen / usher. Fast forward to now, on April 4th I visited that old church again and took photos with C and L and their new baby boy. I held him while they took photos of me to. It was nice visiting with good friends that I haven’t seen for a long time. We all took photos and it was like I was always there this whole time. When God calls you away to do other things, it’s both exciting and terrible. But all in all everything will come full circle, in heaven we’ll all be back together again. The mission takes priority.
When I share the gospel with people, it’s just random people. Sometimes it leads to nothing because a person isn’t interested. Other times it leads to a person converting and living for Jesus, other times it leads to death threats including fists, knives and guns. From drug dealers who lost paying customers to bad husbands who’ve lost their punching bag, not everyone is happy to see people convert and be set free.
I remind myself, the mission takes priority. The mission takes priority.
Night time prayer time is my favorite prayer time
March 27, 2004 by
My morning time prayers are important and a foundation for my life. But sometimes they can be rushed, especially depending on my schedule. My night time prayers are usually my favorite. I spend a good hour at least and I’m not rushed or stressed because it’s the end of the day. I find that the better I pray, the better I sleep and the better I wake up. The better I live.
I realized that in recent years that I’ve been talking about regaining my fitness, and now realize that I’ve been trying to regain my youth. Specifically my youthful energy and vitality. I’m aging, and I confused it with being out of shape. It’s true that I’m out of shape but that’s not the real issue. I have wrinkles, droopy elbow skin, and thinning gray hair. There’s no going back from this, I’ll just learn to enjoy it. At the gym this dude said “Asif give me some tips, how did you get that chest?”. Somehow I dumbbell pressed my way to a ripped and larger than average chest muscles which I’ll enjoy while I can because they say that it’ll start to get saggy after a while and turn into man boobs.
My neighbor, a man, got ultra massive pec implants. I don’t know how he found a doctor to put in such big implants. And I get it, hitting the gym every day is hard and doesn’t always take us to our goals. But he’s got a normal thin / athletic frame and a terminator chest. He walks around town shirtless. Everyone just gawks because it looks so incredibly unrealistic, like a special effect.
At the rate I’m going, I won’t finish my bachelors degree for years, lol, but at least I’m doing it debt free. My friends make fun of me but at least I’m doing it, and I’m paying as I go so I won’t have student loans. I was advised today that since I don’t have a high school diploma, (I dropped out around age 15 or 16) I’ll have go take a GED exam so I can then be granted my degree. Doh!
The last time I was in high school, the teachers were giving me money because my team was replacing their old computers for really really good new ones. I was wearing sneakers, bluejeans and a suit jacket with the label still on the cuff. A science teacher told me that had to be cut off. My English teacher, concerned about me dropping out asked me if I was earning at least $100,000 / year, which I was not. I did have a job offer on the table for $60,000 and it wouldn’t be long after and I would be offered a job of $80,000. It would be a good long while before I would see $100,000 / year. But I was happy.
Giving is living
February 27, 2004 by
Most of the missions / giving / church / ministry projects I do turn out very well. I aim for 1 major mission project a year and several small projects each year. If I’m feeling rather rich, I’ll do more, if I’m actually financially poor, I have to cut back and do less, but I always do something – even if it means cutting back, for instance not having a car for a year, cutting the cable, etc.
Some of the major projects can include digging a fresh water well for a village in a 3rd world country or sponsoring a 12 month mission trip. A smaller project would be sponsoring a missionary to go on a 1-2 week trip, making sure they have enough money and supplies to reach as many with the gospel as possible. One of my favorite missions project included this one where a team of missionaries would go into remote villages in India and setup a makeshift portable movie theatre and play a movie called the Jesus Film. It’s a film about the life of the Lord and the purpose is so that many people will give their life to Him. This isn’t as simple as it sounds.
My friend Wiebke went on this one where a cruise ship was converted into a ‘mission ship’. It traveled around parts of the world for 2 years (talk about a long mission trip), and they would play the Jesus film on the side of the massive sea vessel and evangelize in areas that are hard to reach by land alone. She told me about her many adventures. We try to trade stories and hers are usually better than mine. She’s been a missionary since she was born, her family has traveled all over the planet, starting churches everywhere.
Regarding the Jesus Film missions project, aside from the ship, most teams have to carry portable equipment, including a power generator, by bike because there aren’t roads everywhere in the world. They go into remote tribal areas that haven’t been reached before, and the film is voiced over in most languages. People sit on the ground and the picture quality isn’t really good. There are dangers of being kidnapped, raped and killed. We do a small get together when people come back here safely and hear their stories about being spat on, stoned, beaten up, shot at, and sometimes worst. We consider a project successful when people give their life to Jesus and there are positive changes in the community. I get to hear this kind of good news regularly and then I share the good news with my friends. Interesting fact; wherever Christianity spreads, crime goes way down, economic problems go down, suicide, murder, rape, all goes down. Education, health, well being, quality of life all goes up. This can’t be said about other religions or atheism.
On the other hand, sometimes missions projects just don’t work. People take advantage and do their own thing, money goes missing, people misrepresent what they want to do. It doesn’t happen often, these failures are a SMALL percentage but when it happens it hurts everyone and can be discouraging if a lot of hard earned money and TIME was lost. When you are expecting lives to be changed and found out that instead of that – dope was smoked or a new wardrobe purchased or house was renovated, well it makes me furious and discourages everyone. Recently I wasted some valuable time and money on this exact thing, what can I do but say oops and move on?
If Frodo can do it then so can we
December 30, 2003 by
Yeah I watched part 3. I got the books for Christmas as well but I can’t read the books after I watch the movie. Spoiler alert: Frodo did it. He completed his quest and lived happily ever after. Find out from God what your quest is, then spend your life on it. Heaven is your happily ever after.
The past couple of years for me has been almost non stop adventure and bizarre circumstances, one after another. 2003 was an awesome roller coaster, I spend today looking at my journals for the year. There aren’t very many because I’ve been so busy doing so much. Moving into 2004, I’m hoping for like, no adventure. Just a nice boring existence. Winter has set in nice and good and I’m enjoying it.
In Canada, there is talk about legalizing drugs. I don’t care if we do, as long as whoever does drugs doesn’t expect society to pay for their mistakes. I talked to my doctor about doing anabolic steroids just to try them out, and after getting his good advise, I tried some.
This was last year – I did a very short, 2 week cycle of testosterone precursors called androstenedione or something like that. Why did I do it? Call it youthful curiosity. I wanted to see what would happen. Maybe I just wanted a boost.
When I was a teen I setup a makeshift gym and fight club in my garage, people from the neighborhood would come to fight or lift weights. We didn’t have any good equipment, a home made squat rack, a portion of a skid for calf raises. Different sizes of plastic weights. I filled a large US Army issued carryall bag part way with sand and we used that as a punching bag, when we weren’t using each other for punching bags. People would come over asking for me and my grandmother would use her fists to do a boxing motion and would say “asif is boxing, he’s boxing”.
The dealer I bought the stuff from was the size of a bear and he said the stuff works – and boy did it. Strength and endurance went up through the roof almost right away. I think I did over 100 full pushups and 25 full pullups and went about my day like it was nothing. I can’t believe this stuff is completely legal in America. I bet that lots of young people will start to do steroids. At the 2 week point I started to feel like it would turn me into a flesh eating zombie so I threw out the rest of the supply and lost most of my gains. My doctor (who I spoke to through this whole process), laughed and laughed. He told me that when I’m much older, in my 50’s that I should ask him again, and maybe we can do it properly and in a way that actually benefits me permanently.
Which brings me to my Merry Christmas and Happy new Year message: Sometimes it’s a good idea to abandon your direction. Sometimes the plan sounds smart but will lead to stupid results. Sometimes the outcome isn’t worth the consequences. Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is to stop, and walk away. To give up doesn’t mean to lose. Sometimes the biggest losers are the ones who don’t know when to give up.
Jesus Heals
June 26, 2003 by
I took a trip to Peterborough Ontario, I haven’t been here since like 1999 or 2000 and the last time I was here, I didn’t get to stop and enjoy as much as I wanted, but this time I did. Now when I got out of the van, of course the button on my jeans flew right off. It got sewn up right there in the parking lot while they were still on me which gave all the onlookers something to talk about before service.
We went to this church that had free delicious orange drink and donuts that you could eat before, during and after service. I have never seen this before in my life and I think it’s just the greatest thing. Also the sermon started with a Jim Carey video clip on a projector screen and I have never seen this kind of technology used in a church before, just old fashioned overhead projectors and not even free water. After there was a question and answer time. This is the most modern church I’ve ever seen.
Any way to my main story. Back in like grade 6 there was a beautiful girl name Maryanne. We called her psycho bitch because she used to beat us up, put caterpillars down our shirt and squish them. Every time we would see her, we would run away because of all her roughhousing. This was crazy because we (the boys) would roughhouse as well. I mean back then we would light things on fire and cause all kinds of mischief, but we couldn’t handle being beaten up by a beautiful girl.
I became a Christian at age 17, and I lost contact with Maryanne a few years prior, although I would hear about her once in a while because she dated some of my close friends.
When I was in college and doing an internship around age 19, I met her again at Tim Hortons. She was a cashier and just had a round of chemotherapy. She had cancer and had lost all her hair from the treatment. She was smiling at me while holding back tears. “I’ll never have children” she said. Without thinking (story of my life) I told her that Jesus would heal her, and tried to tell her as much as I could about my new found faith before I had to go (there were other customers in the line). I gave her my contact information.
I make promises to people all the time. Most of the time I come through, sometimes I don’t. When I tell people about Jesus though, I really boast. I boast big. And I had boasted big about Jesus to Maryanne in front of other people. When I got home I almost started to panic, because I realized I promised this girl that Jesus would come through for her and that one day she would have kids.
Fast forward to right now, several years later. I had just picked up a Medium pizza with Nathan and when we were walking outside of the mall in front of Price Chopper, I hear a scream “asif, asif!”. Maryanne ran up to me and before I had a chance to react, she jumped on me, arms and legs wrapped around me completely. I was surprised my spine didn’t collapse. All the weight lifting has been working out. Her hair is long and beautiful, in fact she’s more beautiful than I remember.
She went on to Nathan about how great of a man I am. (She and Nathan had never met prior). She really went on. And of course I’m not, but God is so great He came through for both me and Maryanne. I wish everyone who was in the Tim Hortons years prior could see. Both of us grew up in tough environments. Both of us came up from the wrong side of the tracks. Both of us have been healed by Jesus.
And yes, she now has a beautiful biological son. I write these journals so that I can one day read them again. But this story doesn’t require a journal entry. I’ll remember it for eternity.