I’m just struggling a lot more this year. Actually in 2005 and 2004 there wasn’t much struggle at all. It’s like I took a wrong turn somewhere.

My income is going lower and lower, clients just either don’t need a consultant or the clients I have are paying very late or not at all. Several of the cheques I’ve received have bounced already this year.

I haven’t compensated by reducing my missions giving yet but I’m afraid I’ll have to very soon. I’m helping some people with college which is costing a fortune but I don’t want to stop doing that at all. There are all sorts of expenses related to that. Cell phone bills, bus tickets, housing, miscellaneous school fees, books on top of books. In the back of my mind I know how ungrateful young people can be, one day they’ll forget me and everything I did, but I promised that if they work hard and sty out of trouble I’ll help them through college. My accountant says I should simply register my whole life as a non profit lol. Sometimes I think he’s serious.

My sister just upset me by asking why I never have money for myself, when I just gave her $800 for her rent a few minutes prior.

Last night my sis and I drove to Richmond Hill to visit a man we call Plummy. It’s not his real name, I don’t know why we call him that. I remember when I was about 6 years old, Plummy and my step-dad, around the same age were both working at an auto parts company. We all went to the company pick nick and Plummy picked me up to go do one of the games for prizes. I was very shy, because my parents taught me no social skills and destroyed any skills I did have with hard beatings. I bit Plummy really hard in protest. I mean really really hard. Looking back I really feel bad about it as he was just being nice.

Well anyway, yesterday we went there to see him, and he lives in a 4000+ square foot house. Way too much space for his family. And him and his wife were sitting beside each other looking young and happy, rubbing hands as if they were teens in love.

As I drove home with my sis we talked about what life would have been like if we had a stable family home. Just normal everyday life in stead of complete Hollywood movie-like insanity everyday. Everyday was chaos. Anyway, what’s done is done says my sis. Her words. I just can’t help but to wonder.