I lied to peel children aid and so did everyone else

There’s a bad man we all know and put up with, and he beats his wife and children. Everyone knows it. They don’t know it because someone told them, they know it because they aren’t morons. His wife used to show up with black eyes and bruises, saying she ran into a door (do all women use this excuse?) and his children would sometimes let it slip that their dad beats them. To be clear, this was all in 2001, during very difficult times when much was going on all at once.

Back in 2001 before I moved to Ottawa I was asked in haste, after a long day of work to give a reference for this person, to save his life really, more so begged to give him a good reference. He promised he was a changed man, so I gave a quick “he’s not so bad, this whole thing has been blown out of proportion” type reference. This saved his sorry ass, and later I would find out that he was 10x worst than I thought.

Growing up, I myself fell through the cracks as did many of my friends. Daily punches, cuts on bruises all over. Bloody noses, bumps on my head were normal. Peel police would get to know me by name, and I would get to know some of them by name, since they were at my house so often.

Good teachers would often ask about cuts and bruises and I would make up excuses, and my friends who were in the same situation would trade war stories.

Girls always had it 100 times worst though, and their war stories were the worst. Being abused by their moms boyfriends while being videotaped or prostituted out by their crack head moms to strangers. It made me and my guy friends think that things weren’t really so bad for us after all. We got used to seeing social services and hearing and saying lies upon lies. You’d visit a friends house and social services would show up, or you’d visit my house and the police would show up. I wouldn’t even invite someone to my house until I knew what their home life was. If they had a good home life, they wouldn’t be invited to mine because they wouldn’t understand. Same with them, I couldn’t be invited to some peoples house until they knew what mine was like.

White people, black people, brown people, everyone had it rough in one way or another. In grade 7 I kept a photo of a picture perfect home in my pocket, looking at it to make me happy. One time in grade 7 I was planning on teaching this one bully a lesson as I was known to do, and my super duper awesome teacher Mrs. Prates told us all that we should be nice to him, a young thug, because his dad beats him, and we hazed her because we were all being beaten but he was the only wimp that let the teachers know. Mrs. Prates is one of my favorite teachers to this day, but this was all way over her head.

When I was 7 I slept with a heavy metal flashlight, by the time I was 11 I slept with a trusty switchblade. By the time I was 13 I had several weapons. One time my boss at Pickwicks Potatoes drove me home from Dr. Fleas Flea Market and there were 4 police cruisers at my house. It shocked the crap out of him, a middle aged Jew, but me, a 13 year old Muslim had a list of about 75 great excuses as to why they were there and I said my lie with a smile and went back to work the next weekend as if nothing happened. It was the only way to survive at the time.

About 2 years later I stopped smiling. My list of great excuses began to anger me, I was getting older and growing, but things were very much the same at home. One very early morning I woke up hearing the angry screamings of my mom and her boyfriend, and I figured I would save the police another trip to our house by taking care of the situation myself. I grabbed my trusty Louisville slugger, and kicked down her door swinging the bat at both of them, and I clearly threatened to kill them both. My exact words were something along the lines of “I’m going to kill you, and I’m going to kill you, if you don’t stop this crap and grow the f up.” Now for those of you who know me, you know I don’t use that kind of language under normal circumstance. There’s just something about family that brings out the crazy in everyone.

There’s a sort of freedom you gain when you threaten to kill someone and really mean it. And I’m not joking, I would have actually killed them both that warm summer morning, and lived happily ever after knowing I made the world a better place. To be fair, I now know that her life was much harder than mine.

Fast forward to today, we’ve all given our life to Jesus, my moms home is the place ALL my friends like to hang out. There’s peace, joy, food, laughter, fun stories (ask her about the time I ate my own poo) and just general goodwill. Shes known as the super cool mom and I’m known as the lucky son. She takes in everyone, all the teens in town and there’s always fun stories and joy to be had. Just a few nights ago she called me asking if I can help her out, she took out several teen girls and boys bowling or something like that, and there was some project they wanted to do that would really help them out but cost too much. The teens were super excited and I was really happy to be a part of it all. Only Jesus can spark these kinds of changes.

I heard in the news that churches are in decline in Canada because people no longer believe in God. This is a lie. This is a complete lie made up by liberal media and the liberal government. Churches are in decline in Canada because people do believe in God, and they are scared out of their mind that if they or their children go to church, people will find out what’s going on in their homes. An atheists worst nightmare is when they will one day face the God they’ve been pretending to not believe in. But we’re all going to have to face Him one day.

Cocaine and cocaine related problems

If you live in Malton, you will at some point be exposed to drugs. Probably weed by grade 6, and harder drugs by high school. Girls will get introduced to drugs earlier, because boys use drugs to get sex from girls in high school. Girls do drugs to impress boys, it’s a vicious cycle, plus add in the fact that there aren’t as many fathers and mothers as their should be and everything is crazy in this country. I mean we live in a great country but we are allowed to kill innocent babies but we aren’t allowed to kill baby rapists? Is there any wonder so many people do drugs?

Anyway, when I was around age 14 my friend Steve and I walked up and down Airport road, applying at every single place for a job. We were well dressed and walked for hours, pretty much an entire day down one side of the road and up another side. Airport Road becomes Dixon Road after a while, we walked further than that!

We applied at offices, gyms, even Hooters. We applied to several Mcdonalds. Steve used to make home made popsicles and sell them in his townhouse complex and I had my small businesses running as well, plus an idea for a game called goodmitten, it would be a better version of badmitton. We just really needed steady employment because of our life responsibilities.

It was rather obvious that nobody was going to hire us because we were young, and although I had a small business at the time it wasn’t bringing in enough money to support my needs and family.

Steve then got an offer to deal acid / LSD on Goreway Drive near Brandongate and he asked if I wanted in. We talked about it for about an hour. The money was a big draw, you could make several hundred everyday just in a small area, the territory would be protected for us so we wouldn’t fear gang wars. We decided to sleep on it, and the next day concluded that neither of us would do it, we would just try to be successful in business and try even harder to get jobs. We must have applied at almost every Mcdonalds in Mississauga and Brampton, possibly some in Etobicoke as well.

What kind of drug dealer would I be? I’d give away the drugs for free, and to those who couldn’t pay. And if I made a profit it would go into missions work. LOL. I’d be the kindest, gentlest drug dealer in Canada – and probably the quickest to die and the most made fun of.

You see drug deals take place here, especially at the schools. People aren’t generally shy about it, and a lot of people are armed. Systems are in place to prevent getting caught. If you want to buy a small amount of drugs, you go to a local high school, you can get any drug in a high school. I’m surprised there aren’t more video cameras and police officers in high school.

I’ve actually witnessed a massive multi million $ drug bust but I can’t talk about it here, plus the details are fuzzy anyway.

Anyway fast forward to today, Nathan and I were in my old Neon, the car was in park, but on, and a drunk man in a van, who was driving too fast anyway, hit the backside of my car going in the opposite direction. He got out of his van, stinking of booze and started yelling at us that us youngsters do too much “crack cocaine”. I assured him that I have never had involvement with the stuff and felt good of my clear conscience.

Go for it

I started the year by bidding on 2 consulting projects, and I was rejected by the one that would have made me filthy rich, as was expected, and accepted for the one that will simply help to put food on the table and help me conclude some missions projects I’ve been wanting to finish up this year.

I always try for things that are out of my league.

When I was 14 I applied for a young entrepreneurs loan / grant and was declined (I was later told that in Canada you “need to have money in order to get money.”) lolol what?

When I was 15 I converted a bedroom in my basement into an office. I couldn’t afford a desk so I used 2 empty cardboard boxes as a base, and a sheet of plywood as a desk surface, painted blue. I didn’t have a chair so I sat on the floor. I put free ads in the paper and I had customers come over almost everyday. Most were very impressed at my gumption, shocked by my young age and delighted by my high quality work. Very few people were offended by my obvious poverty (one man laughed at me and walked right out but that was rare) and I got a lot of great new clients through recommendations. (I took on a few small investors to raise capital and things moved along slowly and steadily. By 1997 the investors received their money back plus several times more in profit. It was a happy time for us all.)

When I was 15 I had a competitor call to complain that he was losing customers to me and might consider suing me. Later I ended up getting a job offer from that competitor.

When I was 16 I bid for a tech project and won a partial contract worth $600,000 but I couldn’t get the financing to fill the order and had to give up the contract. I tried though. I applied for a business loan at the bank, and they approved it almost on the spot because of the contract but then found out I was 16 years old, and retracted the offer. The banker was shocked, she thought I was in my 20’s based on the way I spoke, plus I was dressed in the nicest gray wool suit which was I got used. I knew they couldn’t give a loan of any size to someone under 18, I knew this going in, but it was worth trying.

When I was 17 I had several people bidding for equity in one of my start-up projects. The highest bid was $300,000 plus full time employment, but to be fair this was during the dot com boom, everyone was getting these kinds of offers. The very day I turned 18 years old, banks had extended me $10,000 in credit and by the time I was 20 I had a $250,000 line of credit. I didn’t apply for it, they simply gave it to me.

I would later receive a job offer with one of the major investment banks.

By age 21 I was invited to participate in a massive class action lawsuit against one of the major investment banks that made us all lose a lot of money. Talk about adventure!

Rewind further, when I was in grade school, my grandma would force me to go to school even on holidays. Even on a snow day. I would explain to her that the doors would be locked and nobody would be there, but she would make me prepare for school, and walk there anyway just to be sure. Each time I would walk all the way to school and the doors would be locked and I would walk back home. It was frustrating, but learning how to deal with frustration so young and it really helps me out today. These days entrepreneurs quit after a few hard days.

As a child I was gunning for projects and goals that most adults won’t go for. I remember when I was 10 years old and living in the crackhead townhouses at Brandongate Drive, a man on Rockhill Road was selling an offset printing machine and I bid $250 of my own newspaper money to buy it, thinking I could start my own printing business in my garage. He wanted $5,000. I tried to cut him an equity deal. Yes, at age 10 I tried to give him a percentage of my company. He didn’t go for it. But that’s not the best part – I didn’t know which house was his, only that he lived on Rockhill.

When I heard that other people were going there to look at the machine I took my step dads car keys, turned on his car, (as I remember it a 70’s or 80’s vw rabbit) and backed it out of the driveway. I was going to drive over there. 10 years old. The local gangsters who were doing their business (selling stolen goods) saw me and were like “wow” and I came to my senses that this was a bad idea and put the car back. I ran over to Rockhill Road and knocked on every single door on the street one by one till I found him, he lived like halfway in. In a way I wish I still had that kind of gumption today.

By 2001 I had overseen over $4,000,000 USD of quality equity buy in companies like Amazon before the dot com bubble burst on us all.

Some projects have failed miserably, others have succeeded very well, others were fairly normal.

Anyway, to the next topic: I’ve just discovered Christian rap! If you like clean rap music then check out people like Dr. Cheddar, Prime Minister, Cross Movement and FTF. But please don’t steal the music from the web, just go to a cd store and buy a copy! There’s a cd store in every mall.

I ate 400 slices of pizza in 300 days and now I’m a fatso

If you read my Ottawa Adventures series of posts (see 2001) then you know that I was struggling for several months financially and wasn’t eating properly because I couldn’t afford to. To be fair, I grew up mostly not eating enough because we couldn’t afford to, and was 96.5lbs up to the year 2001. Sickly most of the time as well.

This year has been good to me financially (and in many other ways). Because of the lack of pizza last year, I ate 400 slices this year so far, over and above my other meals, and I’ve gained 65lbs. It’s mostly fat but some of it is muscle because I’ve been lifting weights and working out. I’ve got stretch marks on my legs, biceps and shoulders even though I have a slim build overall. My stomach unfortunately is 42″ and has no stretch marks. I’ll cut back on the pizza now, which should help me cut back on my stomach. In high school I was called Mr. Abs and spaghetti arms, looking at me now you’d never know it.

Food is needed often. You don’t technically have to have it every day but after a while, you’ll die without it. Growing up my stomach was usually growling with hunger pains. Some of my friends as well. We’d be at school and would dread when there would be silence in class because then you could hear our stomachs growling for food. In grade 1, 2 and 3 at Yorkview Public School I would rarely ever have a lunch. They had a system back then that all the kids who didn’t have food would get food from the kids who did have food. It was a good system. One person would give an apple, another would give half of a sandwich. If you were lucky someone would share their chips with you.

In middle school things were a bit better for a short while, but then by high school things got rough again. My friends would often times share their lunches with me and I would get invited to dinner almost every night which was amazing for me. At my house we ate rice, and curry. At my friends house we would eat every kinds of food imaginable. I’m even convinced I ate horse meat but I can’t be 100% sure because my friends have been known to trick me. One time I was invited over to my friend Sandy’s house for lunch and her and my friend Carla slipped some booze into my orange soda, which upset me because I wasn’t into that sort of stuff. I had too many responsibilities to also be a drunkard.

I remember art class the most, because it was one of the quietest classes plus one of my favorites. My stomach would growl and growl and my table mates would chuckle. I was a real starving artist.

I ended up getting so frustrated with poverty that I dropped out of high school to pursue business, figuring if I waited till after college I’d die of starvation anyway.

Things were different in Ottawa. I was starving, for just about 3 months maybe. But I didn’t care. It was no big deal because every since I gave my life to Jesus in 1997, my life has been filled with fresh purpose, so things like food don’t bother me. If I have it, I have it. If I don’t, then it’s just a minor frustration.

Spiritual food, well you need that to and I have a lot of that. God provides us all with a lot. He says in the Bible that creation itself declares God’s glory, and the universe declares His majesty.

When I was a kid, I missed out on pretty much everything. When I was a teen I missed out on a lot, as I got older I learned that you have to miss out either right now, to gain later on, or you can get something right now, and later on live in regret. I’d rather sacrifice now, and gain later on.

In Ottawa, for about a month, my diet was hot peppers. Why? I had a bag of hot peppers in my freezer, and nothing else. I’m going to enjoy my big fat stomach and smile every time I see it.

Checkout these cool Canadian films: Flowers and Garnet, Blood and Donuts, Road to Avonlea.

Goreway Drive Adventures

If you live in Malton, you will have adventures by simply walking the length of Goreway Drive. I don’t recommend that you do this at night though, you will be assaulted. Still safer than Darcel Ave at night, lol you’ll get shot at or stabbed and definitely robbed!

Back in I guess 1996 I went to this dinner party hangout thingy, I don’t know how I ended up there because I really don’t go to these kinds of things. As far as I remember, a girlfriend forced me to go. It was so beyond boring. While I was there I was introduced to someone in the same work field as me, and I said “oh it’s nice to meet a competitor and colleague.” I was a teen at the time, and he was a man in his late 20’s early 30’s. He laughed at me out loud and said something along the lines of “ha ha ha you think we are in the same league? I’m competing with X (list giant corporations here).” I was really embarrassed about this because everyone laughed at me when I was simply trying to be respectful to the man.

Several years later Steve and I were walking south on Goreway Drive to get Mcdonalds and I crossed paths with this same fellow. He saw me and looked to the ground and tried to keep walking, but I stopped him because I wanted a quick stop-n-chat. It had been several years now and I wanted to hear about his many great successes because I had several successes under my belt also.

Unfortunately not long after the 1996 incident, his company took a nose dive. Lost all their money, their office space was repossessed, everything gone. No big deal, I’ve been there. Most people have.

A few days later I received a notice that I could purchase out some of the assets which would help to alleviate this persons bankruptcy. But I declined, after all, we really weren’t in the same league.

Also on Goreway Drive there are men looking to have dates with other men, it’s really weird to be propositioned while simply walking down the sidewalk. If you go to like, Brandongate Drive there will be pimps selling out underage girls, and if you go to Morning Star pimps will be selling out older women (there are sometimes lineups of 10-20 ladies, they don’t even try to hide it) but on Goreway there will be older men who will say “hi want to go get some coffee? or “want to checkout my new car?”.

Now Goreway Drive has many of the major stores people go to, not just the mall but also gas station, convenience stores, fast food stores and misc. Have you ever gotten offered a job dealing drugs, or moving drugs just by walking down the street? I have, on Goreway drive. And many others have been offered as well. (of course I never accepted, and I’ve never been involved in the drug trade in any way). Now when you decline such a job, you have to do it with finesse, or you can get shot. It’s not unusual to see a tactical unit with shotguns drawn or one person pointing a firearm at someone else.

Just the other day Nathan and I were walking towards Etude Drive when we saw a man pointing a gun at a girl, we both ran towards them (because we are both insane) but before we had a chance the girl got into the mans car and they drove away. Typical Malton BS. It was white people to, so for those of you reading thinking that it was black people, not this time :)

Broken wieners

When I was 15 I worked a construction job that was way outside of my skill set. I was a skinny weakling barely able to lift the tools we used on the job site. But I gave it my all and did a great job, however I was eventually fired for messing up an important project. If you ever go over to 255 Queen Street East in Brampton, you’ll see a building with various stores (as of the time of this writing). I used a machine called a Flaky Jake to pull up the old floors, I mixed the flooring solution for the new cement floors, and I helped to pour and level the new floors. On the outside, I held up the exterior wall material while another person attached it. At the factory in Etobicoke I built hundreds of the high quality wall materials. And I built (by hand) the crown molding that sits atop the exterior walls. Actually that’s why I got fired, I forgot to add sand into the mixture for the molding, and when the guy went to attach it, it crumbled. This happened on a Friday night and we all had to stay late and do it all over. It was for the best, I couldn’t pull my weight at this job consistently enough and this held everyone else back.

As far as I can remember this was about 12 hours per day, Monday through Friday and I was earning around $9 an hour which was a fortune to me at the time.

Any way during lunch at this job I would sit on the steps outside with my small cooler, eating my boiled eggs, peanut butter sandwiches, etc, and there was a hot dog vendor who worked nearby, who would talk to me when there was no lineup. Once in a while if I had enough money I would buy a hotdog but that was rare, because by this time in life most or all of my money would go into family expenses. He (the vendor) told me I should marry as soon as possible, because – as he said it, wieners don’t work forever, and if you wait till your old to get married then your wiener might not work by that time and you won’t have a happy marriage. He made it very clear to me that my own wiener will one day not work. He made this point every time I saw him. I’m not kidding! Now at the time I couldn’t imagine this ever happening since I was a teen and suffered the opposite problem.

Fast forward to today in 2002, close to Valentine Day I woke in a cold sweat thinking about this very early in the morning, and figured I need to get married soon just in case my wiener really does stop working one day. My friend Nathan and I listed the different girls at church I could marry and finally decided on one. It wasn’t easy because initially we had some differing opinions. I ordered the nicest bouquet of flowers I could afford and sent them off to her to break the ice. She teaches a children Sunday school class and we are both heavily involved in the lives of children and missions work so it should be a good match. And now to play the waiting game :)

And in other news, I’m watching a movie on video tape or dvd almost every day after work, this is a nice new thing for me, as usually I work until it’s time to sleep. What with all the children I don’t have a choice but to rest. Hopefully I can get some time to watch one of my favorites soon: Planet of the Apes.

Ottawa Adventures 5

When I was 14 some of my friends kept journals. I thought it was a good idea so I started one myself and hid it under clothes in my dresser. One day I found out that my mom had read it, and in anger I ripped it up into pieces and threw it out. This is something I now regret. When you’re young, you want to be old. And when you’re old, you want to be young.

The first time I came to Ottawa I was around 12 or 13 years old. I was in the Royal Canadian Air Cadets and we did a weekend field trip, staying at (according to my memory) the Connaught Barracks in Ottawa. Saving up the money to get there was damn near impossible for me because I also had to contribute money towards family expenses. This was angering to me because all my companions seemed to have the opposite problem: “what should I buy with all my extra money” syndrome. Extra money I thought? What is that?

I remember preparing for the trip by cutting my hair very short, thinking that I was being radical and later learning that most of my squad shaved theirs completely. My squadron took the bus from Brampton Friday afternoon and the drive to Ottawa was fun. I pretty much sat beside that same guy Forrest Gump sat beside on the bus, and I’m quite sure he was thinking that he was sitting beside Forrest Gump. (I don’t think the movie was out yet)

Let me explain something to all the parents reading this – parents send their male children to Cadets because they want to prevent them from getting into trouble. Parents send their female children into the Cadets because the girls are ALREADY into trouble. So you think this will be a place where your children will stay out of mischief, but actually it’s a place where a bunch of mischievous people can all join together. I don’t know what trouble my mom thought I was getting into. I wake up, go to school, come home, help with endless chores, then work to earn money for the family. Do homework (reluctantly) and then sleep. Summertime involved full time work, usually lying about my age to get jobs because I was too young. No drugs, no booze, no wild parties. I think one time in anger I told her that if anything she should have been the one to join cadets.

Anyway when we arrived at Ottawa and checked into a real army barrack it was the coolest thing for me. We had real Canadian Army soldiers training, with REAL guns and it was just super awesome. I ate meals with real soldiers and got poked (by accident) in the back with the business end of an assault rifle in the breakfast line. If you had a wayward child – THIS was the way to get them back on track right away. My uncle in North Carolina is in the US Army and so I’ve had the opportunity to use all kinds of awesome military equipment and I’ve visited the Fort Bragg base several times.

In the morning a lot of the cadets were being yelled at and having their rooms torn apart because they didn’t keep their rooms proper. The beds weren’t made the way they should have been, shoes weren’t shined properly. Not me though. My room was in tip top shape. My family has a policy, that if my bedroom isn’t in 100% perfect order, every single thing except the bed, desk and empty dresser gets thrown away or given away before I come home from school. This has happened to me several times and I’ve learned to keep things in good shape for the most part.

During one of the meals at the barracks we had a contest to see who can eat the most hot peppers, little did I know one day my diet would consist of them for a solid month. On Saturday we visited a war museum, and on Sunday we were asked to volunteer in a church, which I declined because I didn’t believe in Jesus at the time and felt weird about it. Little did I know that one day I would give my life to Jesus and do many thousands of hours in various churches.

Little did I know that parents would send me their boys and girls, mostly teens and I would take away their drugs and guns and ask them to give their life to Jesus and ask them to volunteer in church while they reluctantly decline.

On the ride back home from Ottawa (I’m still talking 1992-3 or 4 here) I was happy to be going back home, but at the same time thinking “one day I wouldn’t mind living in Ottawa for a while.” When my squadron arrived back in Brampton all of the parents were waiting there to pickup their kids. Except mine. This would be a recurring area of tension for me. It would be about 6 hours before my ride would show up. Yes, 6 hours. My superior, Sergeant X (I can’t remember his name, but I know he was a Sergeant who sleeps only 4 hours per night and has a loud voice) was not happy that my ride took long. Once again, and for the millionth time I was taking blame for something I had no control over. To make matters much worse, a massive house fire broke out down the street and Sergeant X couldn’t help as much as he wanted because he was obligated to look after me since he was the only adult left and I was a minor.

It was an embarrassing situation and I never went to air cadets again, and it would be a very long time before I would rely on anyone for a ride again. Even at age 13, I rather walk several hours than wait for a ride.

Fast forward. I guess I can scratch living in Ottawa off my list today. One fun thing about living in Ottawa now (2001) is meeting and greeting a new era of Air and Army Cadets from all over and sharing fun adventures.

I’ve had many beautiful adventures here in Ottawa these past 5+ months. The winter snow is brutal, I have no car, no money, and despite how sweet it’s been here, it’s been bitter to. It’s time to go back to Toronto. In a way, I feel defeated because I didn’t achieve everything I wanted to achieve, but I did achieve a lot nonetheless. My friends do NOT want me to leave but what can I do? I’ve run out of money and I don’t have a choice and I have friends waiting for me to come back home.

I’ll still visit Ottawa, especially for short weekend vacations and chances are, knowing me, I’ll end up owning real estate here one day to.

On September 11, when terrorists attacked America, I went outside of my apartment and walked down Carling Avenue and a white city worker stuck up his middle finger at me. I rode my bike pretty much around the entire city of Ottawa. I forged new friendships here that I suspect will last a long time. I learned a lot. This was a real learning experience for me. I’m certain that I’ll think about what I’ve learned here for a very long time. Hopefully for the rest of my life.

Can I ramble on?

“The wind blows where it wishes and you hear the sound of it, but do not know where it comes from and where it is going; so is everyone who is born of the Spirit.” – John 3:8 (Jesus speaking)

The above scripture is one of my favorites, right out of the mouth of Jesus, in front of witnesses. I used to doodle this everywhere. This scripture has caused me to have many problems and wild adventures.

Today I am thinking about a girl named Sarah who was born 4 years ago. She was born premature and when she was 2 weeks old she was sooo tiny. I don’t remember if I mentioned this before before but her grandma brought her to church (she simply couldn’t wait to show everyone her beautiful new granddaughter). On that day she asked me to hold her in the sanctuary and I was soo afraid. I had plenty of experience with babies but never held a baby so small. I held her in both palms of my hands as if I had just scooped up some water. I was so nervous, but happy. Sarah fit perfectly in my hands.

Nowadays shes 4 years old, and when I talk to her she smiles and buries her face in her cute little hands. Once in a while when she’s not feeling shy she’ll jump on me and smother me in kisses. :o)

Remembering what it felt like to hold a miracle in my hands, makes me want to press on, to see new miracles. I am desperate for them. Desperate.

The first half of 2001 has been tumultuous. (First time I’ve ever
used the word tumultuous). January-Feb started with gigantic momentum,
I mean every day was a non stop amazing rollercoaster ride.

I work during the day, do a full course load, and then try to pack in a few hours of hard ministry work. At the end of the day I would just curl up on my sofa (which I purchased in Jan from Ikea after 6 months of saving) and watch tv.

Before Jan, I really lived in my bedroom. Infact, since I became a teen I started doing everything in my bedroom. I would eat there, and hang out there. I had
a small tv and radio so it was cool. I finally moved my stuff out to the rest of the apartment and got furniture this year. It was a fun transition. Still growing up.

I got a candle a few days ago, and while it was burning I thought how nice it would be to have some incense. So I took some montreal steak seasoning and poured
it into the ditch at the top of the fat candle. Ummm, I figured it would fill the house with the gentle smell of steak.

Instead the spices caught on fire and really messed up the candle. The candle looks like it went through serious torture (dont worry, this candle contains no animal products). So much for my bright ideas.

As I was saying, Jan and Feb were months in which I took on a lot of things, too much in fact. Anyway, March came around and things began to slow down to the point where I could breath again. Not for long though. I was satisfied with Jan and Feb. It was, a legacy. People from all over still call asking about it. I’d rather close that chapter, and begin writing a new one.

I am left drained. March was the beginning of trouble that I could not handle.
I knew it. God warned me so many times earlier. I still cant handle it.
Its not that I took the warnings as a joke, and I’ve learned never to consider
a joke, what so many warn about. Especially what God warns about.
I guess maybe it was just something that I thought could never happen.

I’ve always wondered about people who said they prayed for ‘hours at a time’.
Now I’m one of them, and its not so hard to believe. May started off very well and went well until the middle of the month and crashed. In June my spiritual growth
took a huge upswing.

Sometimes I think about moving somewhere quiet. Like Prince Edward Island. Maybe I’ve watched too much Road to Avonlea?

A few nights ago, I was logging into scribble and saw someones scribble entitled “looking for a sign” so I checked it out, and messaged the guy on AOL. Anyway it turns out hes a christian and he loves this girl at his church but is kinda having trouble with his relationship with her. He got his sign. I was his sign. Brian, keep me updated ok?

I was praying about if I should move or not, and that same minute my landlord slipped a letter under my door. It said that his inlaws, who recently moved upstairs are cramping his style, and with his 3rd baby on the way he needs the basement apartment for the inlaws, and that if possible, he would like me to move by the end of July. I’ll miss all the fun I’ve had here. The time my glasses fell in the toilet, the time I had 3 mice here and I had to tuck my pants into my socks till I got them, and of course, all the other fun stuff. I really grew here, but now I need new soil for a while.

I’m not poetic..and I don’t make the best first impressions, but you’ll find that I am completely genuine. I hate when nobody is at my disposal when I’m usually at every ones disposal. I am disappointed in the lack of availability of everyone who I used to help. To many people I associate with on a regular basis know me as some sort of super-guy. I go out of my way for my friends and when I need help with something, I can’t get a return call.

It’s not all bad though. I remember when Stephenie beat the crap out of me (figuratively) in 1999 because I told her I won’t go to college. She wouldn’t let it drop, she forced me to go. You know that feeling when you have a lump in your throat that feels it can weigh down your whole body? That’s the kind of lecture she gave me. I signed up the same day. I haven’t even graduated high school yet and the college has no clue. I’ll have to get my GED soon.

Although I’m too old, I often think about going back to high school. How long would it take for me to lead everyone to Jesus? How many lives could be saved in one school year? I wish Christian teens would think this way, but I don’t think they can, they already have too much on their plate.

A few months ago I went to the museum with a local school (they asked me to come help supervise) and Amber says to me ‘Asif, everyone want to be in your group’. I told her, “why didn’t this happen to me when I was in high school?”

Black and White

“Dragon Whips his Tail”

His tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth… – Holy Bible, Revelation 12:4

Woke up. Lounged around. Found out that the wedding was at 1 instead of 2. I did a mad rush to shower and get to church on time. The ceremony was great. It was so nice to see my best friends S and R get married. After a very sweet and long courtship. They are just 2 lovebirds and it was nice seeing them take vows. Its so cool to see my Christian friends court. Because everything is so pure and sweet and without DRAMA. I remember the many times S said she ‘slept over’ at R’s and I’d say “WHAT??”. And she’d explain how she slept downstairs and R slept upstairs and PARENTS supervised.

After the ceremony I met a lot of people I haven’t seen in a while. I go my pics taken with the
bride and groom, my mom and sis. And a bunch of other people. My personal highlight of the day? I even got a kiss from a female friend I haven’t seen in a while, on the cheek of course, thanks L. What is it about a kiss from a beautiful girl, makes your whole day better :)

I took a taxi downtown Toronto. Anyway I go there right when the bus was about to leave at 9pm.
Halfway through the trip to Ottawa we stopped so people could get food and use restrooms.
I went into the restroom (the bus had a bathroom as well but I wouldn’t dare use it) and the stalls were filled, and so I figured I’d use a urinal for the second time in my life (other than when I was a kid
and used the kiddy urinals). The urinals were spaced to closely together, like 16 inches
apart, and this trucker guy to my right was looking over at me excessively. And he was not looking at my face!

Afterward I got a tuna sandwich and twix and fruit punch for the rest of the ride and arrived around 130am. Got up at 7am. It’s nice to wake up with gentle sunlight splashing on my face. Its harshness weekend by the drapes. I ordered breakfast for $25 and it was very very disappointing :( I did try some ‘yogurt’ though, something I haven’t really honestly done.

Showered, and left for church. Pastor G preached about really knowing God. He talked about evaluating yourself and then coming to God in sincerity to repent and follow Him. About how some people know God, but get stuck in a rut and then begin to wonder, especially if Satan gets into their lives. Some ‘evaluate’ their current relationship with God and go back, while others dig deeper and deeper into troubles. He is using the book of 1 Corinthians and says he has one more sermon left
in that book. He preached that sermon because he was ordaining 2 deacons that day and there were some unsaved people in the service. Good stuff pastor! Kinda funny cause its the same kind of sermons we get at any other church. Except our pastors do not do much chronological teachings, it could be one topic this week and another next week, from one end of the bible to another.

After service so many people came up to talk to me, and to make things even more awesome, this was my first time in this church, and everyone was white and I was the only brown person, which I personally love. The people I sat beside when I arrived moved right away when I sat beside them. No big deal, another family invited me to a BBQ. This is what I love about church. You walk in. You’re family. Okay okay there are rotten churches to, but you know what I mean.

Another couple was moving to Nova Scotia for good and it was their last week there. Sorry to see u go!
They were serving lunch downstairs but I had to leave, I had other things on my schedule.

Hopped on the #85 back to the Hotel. I decided to do something I rarely do – to stop and smell the roses. So I got to the hotel, but then decided to walk around Ottawa, enjoying the downtown, Rideau Canal and all the great sights. And I figured my manly direction skills would get me there. Instead I ended up going west back towards the church instead of east to the canal, and felt so silly after I asked for directions. I was walking which made it worst.

So I saw beautiful Parliment, Rideau canal, which is s dirty, I mean there is lots of green stuff growing in it. I was thinking it would be like fresh spring water. Whilst walking down Rideau lots of those white flower things were blowing all in my eyes and annoying me. I had my camera to snap pics and I ended up at a park. Ok walking down the park holding a camera, during a hot day. well there were a lot of people bathing in the sun. Girls wearing skimpy bathing suits, some wearing thongs for some reason. I learned that there were 2 large colleges nearby, and then I clearly understood. I was wearing my long pants, t-shirt and favorite shirt which happens to be a very furry sweater type shirt.

So anyway I felt awkward there with my camera, cause I was the only one not nude. Well, I decided to just get out of that park, cause I was just pretty much walking through anyway. On my way out, some girl strips down to some sort of invisible thong type bikini, and my right hand unconsciously slapped me in the face so hard that it stung. I just turned around another way and laughed and laughed cause I couldn’t believe my own hand would slap me.

I stopped at a bench to let my aching feet rest, I had been praying and walking for 5hrs straight.

Walked back to the hotel, got my bag, went to the via rail station, ate some burger king, got on the train.
Train pulled in the Toronto station at like 10:30 pm. Took the subway to the bus station, got there at 11pm.

Ran up to get the 11:03 bus home, missed it. I didn’t actually miss it, the bus didn’t stop
at its usual place but stopped at a new place across the parking lot because of construction or something. Doh! There was another girl waiting there named Angela. She was a young single mom. (I never met her before). We had to wait for the midnight bus so we started chatting. She told me about her weekend and I told her about my weekend. It started raining so I insisted that she take my favorite shirt and wear it till we get in the bus (I found out we live a few streets down from each other in Malton).

Anyway I had crouched down on the ground next to her and her son, age 11 comes and says “hey mom ask him for his phone number, hes the nicest guy, not like the others.

I’m not really good at exchanging / asking for phone numbers. Back in grade 3 I liked this girl named Kaitlin, and I hid in the corner of my school while my friend Ronald asked her for her number for me :) I got her number but now I’m used to having my friends hook me up. I still remember that number to this day.

Anyway the boy really wanted to be friends. He was sticking around me and asking me questions and stuff while we waited. I even left for 5 minutes to make a phone call and he came looking for me in the station.

But anyway I got on the bus, enjoyed the drive home with my new friends, walked home, went to bed.
I’ll remember this trip for the rest of my life.

I was riding my bike yesterday and a little girl with very nice crimply strawberry blonde hair
jumps out from behind a short bush I tree type thing and says ‘BANG.’ And I stop (I wasn’t going very fast) and she says ‘what are u doing here’. And I said ‘I’m riding my bike is that ok?”
She said ‘yup’ and continues to play.

I purchased a bunch of good plants because all of mine have died because of lack of sunlight (Although I have a gorgeous one on my desk which has flourished) I purchased them and left them in the car, the next day the sun was out and it got very hot in the car, because when I went outside the plant was dry and withered, almost cooked. I wont be coming to Ottawa this weekend, I have so much work to do here. But I thought of something, wouldn’t it be interesting to live there for a while?

Contemplate: to view or consider with continued attention: meditate on

– Asif Zamir