Tummy Ache

Last night it was just Jamie, Rob and myself at homeless outreach. It was bitterly cold and we were discouraged because of that and our small numbers. We ran out of both food and supplies within minutes and people were begging us for more.

Mr. Chong got an apartment with friends for now, I hope he moves up from now on. Billy is back living in that abandoned wheelchair lift, him and Richard in the wheelchair are apartment hunting separately. Billy never complains, he was happier about his home in the tiny 4×4 foot wheelchair lift than most people are in their 4 bedroom 3 bathroom 2 garage homes.

After we went to do our evangelism and we left early, 9:45pm. I ate too much junk food. A rice crispie square, quarter pounder with cheese, medium fries, honey mustard sauce and 4 slices of that fancy bread that I rarely eat. Ooops. I really felt it afterwards.

God Of Wonders Beyond Our Galaxy You Are Holy

My income has dropped drastically over the past 18 months, almost all my clients are struggling, few have been able to pay me, nothing is going right. I’ve lost my car, my phone(s), cable tv, internet, furnishings, and on Thursday July 26 2007, I lost my home. Thank God I don’t have children in my care at the moment.

I tried to get an extension on the back payments but I was a day late and a dollar short. Story of my life. It was rough moving out. The day before I tried cutting a deal that would save my butt but it was a no go. Very close, but still a no go. The eviction meeting was in south Mississauga and I could barely even come up with the bus money to get there on time to defend myself. I used a transfer for the ride home, which was very difficult for me. And it took like 4 hours which was extra annoying. There was a bizarre crazy man on the bus making noise to make things worst for us all.

I sold as much stuff on kijiji as I could, for a fraction of the price. The TV Was the only thing sold at a reasonable $250. Anyway, I used that money in anticipation for moving out on the early morning of the 26. I was up at 4am.

Packing a small suitcase with my valuables and the rest of the stuff I could carry in garbage bags. I don’t have a car, and little money and no resources for a moving truck and nowhere to go so I’ve had to forfeit much of my furniture, including my very first sofa, a futon I purchased from Ikea – I saved up 6 months for that in the 90’s, when I was a youngster. While I was moving out my stuff, I put my bike outside for about 5 minutes hoping to use it for transportation and it got stolen, haha.

Unfortunately because of my transportation or lack thereof I could only take what I could carry, and that included a couple of valuables and just the clothes on my back.

I’ve moved 5 times in the last 5 nights. I’m now living literally day by day in a discount crack motel with no internet and crack heads walking around yelling at 3 am. I wore the same socks, underwear, pants and shirt for about 6 days. It was so gross. I got some money together after a few days and got socks and underwear from a discount store.

It was very hard saying goodbye to my great paintings, furniture, my desk, my beloved plants. I’m literally using my pennies to survive right now. I had to look around for pennies on the ground just to get bus money to get to Toronto to pickup a clients payment so I could get it right away instead of waiting for it to come to me. I haven’t looked around for pennies on the ground since I was a child hoping to gather up enough to play a RoadBlaster video game at the convenience store on Rockhill Road. I gathered up enough for a one way trip on the bus. I picked up my pay, cashed it right away at some store, had a real meal, purchased supplies, and here I am, sitting at my computer typing this. This room is tiny and doesn’t have air conditioning, it’s sweltering so my shirt is off. There’s no fridge so I can’t store food. Druggies are in the hallway throwing stuff at doors and yelling. This is a bad situation.

After 6 full years I’ve read the Richard Wurmbrand issue of Voice of the Martyrs. A magazine I’ve been carrying with me for 6 years. It helps to put things in perspective. I’m also thanking God that all the missions projects that I’m involved in, I’ve funded them already for the year, so I won’t have to default on anything but I won’t be doing anything new for a while. There’s a store nearby that sells samosas, a delicious food for about $2, which is my daily budget for food at the moment. Dollar store food also. I’m surviving day by day and it’s not easy. This is a bad situation.

You wouldn’t believe me anyway

Due to a computer failure, I’ve lost over 50 good journal entries. To complicate the situation, the website that I used to post my entries on has gone bankrupt and shut down. These entries told of my many, many great adventures like being stabbed at, almost blown up by a fire bomb, plus fun things like camping and visiting Lake Huron and eating dinner by a campfire. I also lost a lot of photos that I took with a digital camera. :( which means a lot of these things will become distant memories later on.

The internet is really growing, and technology is advancing a lot but I kind of miss some of the good old ways which were more secure.

I’m ending 2002 the right way, with prayer and fasting. And boy do I need the fasting! If not that, then bigger pants. Ha-ha, okay seriously, I watched Lord of the Rings part 2, gave away a ton of cool Christmas presents again, had 7 children under my care, petted a bunny rabbit, fed a candy cane to a bunny rabbit, went golfing, failed at building a go cart, failed at adding a motor to my mountain bike, and so much more.

2002 has been a good year, full of wonderful family and friends time, trips to New York and great lakes. Swimming and laughing and eating, what more can a person ask for? Oh – and there’s a redhead at church that my friends and I are all trying to talk to, I talked to her last week while my friends distracted her family for me, things are in motion!

A Crazy Love

At 1 am there was an errand I promised to do, so I went to the drive through at Tim Hortons to get some milk and a dipped chocolate donut. That would be my final snack for today. At the drive through speaker:

Tim: Can I help you
Me: I’d like a large milk
Tim: We don’t have milk
Me: You don’t have milk?
Tim: Heheheheh just kidding

Then I see this guy…standing in the corner outside with the headset!

The girl came outside and took it from him and apologized :) It was pretty funny. So then the girl asked what I wanted.

Me: I’d like a large milk and dipped chocolate donut
Tim: We don’t have any dipped chocolate donuts, only glazed chocolate
Me: glazed is too sweet
Tim: Oh we do have dipped chocolate I spoke too soon
Me: Ok great

On the mainpage of scribble I noticed an interesting title and I went to the scribble. (Edit: A scribble is what these blogs used to be called back in 2001, scribble has now shut down).

A Crazy Love (Aug 29, 2000)
I have been spending so much time dreaming. I’m in love with the idea of love: falling asleep in his arms, having long conversations over cups of coffee, his fingers running through my hair. We’d talk about pretty things and I’d write poetry for him later. I want a crazy love. I want to feel the fire between us. I want to see his face when I close my eyes. I want to feel his skin against mine. I am setting myself up for failure, I think. (but it’s only a dream!)

Meredith, age 13

Wow, a 13 year old wrote that? The only poetry I can write is “roses are red and violets are blue.”

Its nice going through some of the scribbles of other people to see what they write.

I guess I’ve always had a pastors heart. That’s what people tell me. I like caring for people
and know what they are thinking and knowing that they are alright, and doing well.

It’s interesting how strength turns into weakness so fast.